POST IN A CONSPICUOUS PLACE FOR DOGGIE REVIEW



THINGS I MUST REMEMBER AS A DOG
(in order to keep my present living arrangements, or banished to the
backyard)

1. The garbage collector and mailperson are doing us a favor, not
stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under
the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw
it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet
in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I
like the way they smell.

9. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although
they are tasty, they are not food.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then throw them up on
the carpet.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and forget to tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
owners will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.

15. I will not bark and run around like a fool each time I hear a
doorbell on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the
backyard with them.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator, on the table, or on the
countertops.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's
driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom
garbage.

22. I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying hello.

24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they
needed a good hump.

25. I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow
next to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across
the carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is NOT a never ending water supply and, just
because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when company is over.

29. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt
can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.