in rec.pets.dogs.behavior, "Judy" wrote in
:

I am incredibly frustrated with him lately on several issues. *This*
one at least seems solvable.

Have you considered a clue x 4??

--
Marcel Beaudoin and Moogli

"Marcel Beaudoin" wrote in message
. 1.4...
in rec.pets.dogs.behavior, "Judy" wrote in
:

I am incredibly frustrated with him lately on several issues. *This*
one at least seems solvable.

Have you considered a clue x 4??

I'll add it to my list.

Right after the 2 x 4 side of his head.

I have to keep remembering that the important thing is my mother's care.
And he is the one "on the ground' there.

But the phone issue is something that *does* affect her care. If I can't
reach him, if the agency can't reach him, if (my other brother or) I give up
calling for days at a time and he feels even more isolated - all of that
affects her, even though she doesn't know it.

So I'm going to fix it. I'll try to find the way that bothers or irritates
him the least but it's going to have to change. And he sure isn't going to
do it.

Bah.

Judy

In article ,
Judy wrote:
But the phone issue is something that *does* affect her care.

Yeah, and I think the starting point has to be that your
brother isn't going to change his behavior. I'm not
intending to cast aspersions of any sort on your brother,
it's just that having an outcome dependent on someone
changing his behavior who doesn't want to change his
behavior just doesn't work out in general. There's
technology available (and that box Kat suggested sounds just
the ticket), and that sounds like it's got the best odds of
a good outcome.

It sounds like the aggravations are really piling up.
--
Melinda Shore - Software longa, hardware brevis -

Prouder than ever to be a member of the reality-based community

Judy wrote:

"Rocky" wrote in message
...

When I had dial-up I call-forwarded my land line to my cell
phone (I have unlimited "free" incoming calls). It's an
inexpensive solution, but your brother would have to remember to
keep his cell phone turned on.


Which he doesn't. And he doesn't have any free minutes. (Not that he
pays for them anyway. Mom does.) And his cell phone doesn't have voice
mail capability so it would have to be on to have it do any good. And
if his phone were on, we could have reached him because we both tried it.

He *says* that when we are in "emergency mode" - which is something he
declares periodically based on some criteria that only he knows or
determines - that he turns his cell phone on when he is on the computer.
I've never been clear on why he thinks that emergencies will only happen
when he has advance notice. He also doesn't see what the problem was
last night. After all, it was only a problem for the poor person
calling from the agency who just wanted to make the contact and move
on. And for me, because getting woken up out of a sound sleep and being
presented with a problem (however minor) is just not terribly pleasant.
But for him? Not a problem at all.

I think I remember that when we got the caller ID on Mom's line that we
also got two other features for the same price. He refused to have call
waiting so we got call forwarding and three way. So he *could* call
forward. Maybe he could call forward to me. That would at least help
everyone else.

I think that callwave.com that Kathy suggested, or a second phone line,
sound like the answers he is most likely to accept.

I am incredibly frustrated with him lately on several issues. *This*
one at least seems solvable.


Just out of curiosity, how old is this guy?

"Melinda Shore" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Judy wrote:
But the phone issue is something that *does* affect her care.

Yeah, and I think the starting point has to be that your
brother isn't going to change his behavior. I'm not
intending to cast aspersions of any sort on your brother,

Oh, no. That's MY job!

What was that joke about how many psychologists does it take to change a
lightbulb? (Just one but the lightbulb has to really *want* to change.)

I can't change him. And if I could, I wouldn't know where to
start.......... Maybe I should make a list. Just in case.

It sounds like the aggravations are really piling up.

Only four out of four parents...........

All those years that they were all alive and healthy when our friends were
dealing with parent deaths one at a time - we're paying for it all now.

The dogs, however are great. I don't know what we'd be doing without the
escape of agility.

And that warm body snuggled up next to us on the couch helps a lot.

Judy

"Kathleen" wrote in message
...
Just out of curiosity, how old is this guy?


58. But he was BORN an old grandmother.

None of his behavior is anything new. And we don't wonder why his wife
divorced him.

On the other hand, he is taking care of his mother so he's not all bad.

Judy

"Judy" wrote in message
...
"Marcel Beaudoin" wrote in message
. 1.4...

I know that back when I was on dial-up (shudder) many, many years ago,
my
ISP had software that would, as Melinda indicated, throw up a pop-up
that
there was a call incoming. Try the ISP and see what options there are.

It's AOL. I hate to even LOOK at their website. But probably if anyone
has such a thing, they would.

If that doesn't work, don't give your brother a choice. Get him
high-speed.

Choosing my battles. And he doesn't think it's a problem.

Besides that, I really don't want to have to spend any more of my
mother's money to solve the problem than I have to.

Thanks for the suggestion.

A bare bones second phone line is only about $20/month (although taxes and
fees jack it up to about $30). I have a second business line that I use for
my dial-up and faxes. I think it costs about 10 cents for each outgoing
call.

My Tracfone costs about $10/month, and usually I leave it turned off. But
that is mostly so I don't have to worry about charging the battery or
having it go dead when I need it for an emergency. But many cell phones run
the recharger from a computer USB port, so maybe you can have your brother
make sure his phone is being charged (and turned on) whenever he is using
the computer.

In a true emergency, I think you can still dial the operator and have
him/her interrupt the connection and put a call through.

The best thing is to change your brother's behavior, but that probably
"ain't gonna happen". My brother always was (and apparently continues to
be) very irresponsible, and I have lost touch with him since he got married
and moved to SC. But I get mail and phone calls from his creditors, since
he has apparently once again defaulted on some accounts.

He was very good to my mother while she was still alive, and he and I were
living with her, but he smoked heavily and did not discourage her from
doing so, and she died to a large part from heavy smoking. After her death
he got more into alcohol, drugs, and depression, and refused my offers to
help, and eventually he got so difficult to live with that I moved out.
Over the next 5 years he totally trashed the house and I had to go through
the courts to have him removed.

To see some pictures of what he did to the house, and how it looked after I
cleaned it up so I could sell it, see www.smart.net/~pstech/927

Paul and Muttley

"Judy" wrote in message
...
I know there are computer people here - and I am clearly NOT one of
them..........

Is there some sort of gadget that would help me out here?

My brother lives with my mother. They have one phone line. And the
computer is on dial-up and uses that phone line.

My brother is fighting changing to a different type of access for his
computer. Even though he would not be the one paying for it. (Go
figure.)

But there are times that I cannot get through to him because the phone
line
is busy. I'm not asking him to limit his computer time. He lives with
our
mother who has dementia and the computer is one of his few outlets.


Standard problem with modem technology.


Is there some technology that would let him know - through the computer -
that someone is trying to call the phone line? Or am I going to have to
insist on a second phone line in the house or that he get other computer
access?


The "notify-through-phone-line" technologies require the following 3 things:

1) The ISP's modem banks support V.92
2) The computer's modem supports V.92
3) The phone company's voice switch understands call bumping and switching

Not all are present at all times which is why this technology is mostly
a non-starter (ie: catch-a-call, the callwave device cited, etc.) When that
technology fad was at it's height we would advise people to go buy the
units and plug them in and if they didn't work, then return them to the
store since that was the only way to really check. Then the computer
retailers caught wise to this and stopped carrying the things since they
didn't want to deal with all the returns.

What's his phone carrier? Today, Qwest Residential service the cost
of a 2nd phone line is only an extra ten bucks. Of course you have to
order the correct package for this. Qwest handles quite a lot of the
West. You can also order a "measured service" line in some areas
that is super cheap and there's no charge for INCOMING calls but
charges by the minute for OUTGOING calls. Do not immediately
dismiss a 2nd phone line as too expensive until you have checked it
out.

Speaking as someone who ran modems since the early 80's dialing
into mainframe terminal servers, (my first modem was a 300 baud
job, less than 1% of my current DSL speed, Missy!) if your running a
modem for Internet access a 2nd phone line is a requirement - unless your
Internet access consists of 1 10 minute e-mail session a day.

You CAN try the instant-messaging route, assuming he is connected
most of the time. Load an instant-messaging client on his machine that
automatically logs in when he dials in. Then when you want to contact
him and the phone is busy, go to your machine and instant-message
him. (my personal opinion of instant messaging is that it's baloney,
but some people live for it)

But really what he needs is a DSL line (assuming it's available)
The slowest speeds of DSL are DIRT CHEAP and there's no
excuse to not get it. In fact your ISP and phone company both
want you on DSL it's cheaper for them.

The most effective way to get your brother off the dialup teat is
to go out and buy one of those $300 brand-new PC's and
get a DSL line, then plop the new computer down, plug it into
the DSL line, and make sure it's up and running - right next to
his old machine. If your really serious, have the computer guy
remove the modem from the new machine (if it has one, most
desktop Macs these days for example don't) The temptation
to play with the new system will suck him in.

Ted

"Ted Mittelstaedt" wrote in message
...
What's his phone carrier?

I can't remember offhand but my first guess would be AT&T. Or Verizon. I
know it's one of those. So the technology is available at some cost. They
are in an urban area so there are options but that would be WAY more change
than he could handle. Even if I did all the work. If everything didn't go
100% smoothly, I'd hear about it daily for months. (But hey - at least I'd
be able to talk with him!)

Qwest handles quite a lot of the
West. You can also order a "measured service" line in some areas
that is super cheap and there's no charge for INCOMING calls but
charges by the minute for OUTGOING calls.

The exact opposite of what you would want for a dedicated computer line.

Do not immediately
dismiss a 2nd phone line as too expensive until you have checked it
out.

I'm going to check out the second phone line cost. I've told my brother to
do it but he almost certainly won't find the time. So *I* will the next
time I'm up there and can check the carrier.

Speaking as someone who ran modems since the early 80's dialing
into mainframe terminal servers, (my first modem was a 300 baud
job, less than 1% of my current DSL speed, Missy!) if your running a
modem for Internet access a 2nd phone line is a requirement - unless your
Internet access consists of 1 10 minute e-mail session a day.

Or unless you don't care if people can't get through to you.

You CAN try the instant-messaging route, assuming he is connected
most of the time.

I've avoided IM myself. I only carry a cell phone in my pocket when I'm
away from home because of ill parents. Otherwise, I don't need to be that
available or connected. And it wouldn't work for the majority of the calls
that I need to get through. My other brother may be trying to call to check
in between his patients or I may be calling from a weekend dog show or a
doctor's office may be calling. Mostly people who don't have easy access to
IMing him.

The slowest speeds of DSL are DIRT CHEAP and there's no
excuse to not get it. In fact your ISP and phone company both
want you on DSL it's cheaper for them.

Apparently he doesn't need an excuse. I've tried to convince him to at
least check into it. I think he's intimidated by any change.

Oh, and the next logical way was to get cable into the house and include
internet access. He talked once with a Time Warner Cable guy who told him
all sorts of terrible things about how they treat their employees so now he
refuses to consider letting Time Warner into the house. Since my mother
couldn't handle TV cable anyway (although I thought it would be a nice thing
for my brother), I haven't pushed it.

The temptation
to play with the new system will suck him in.

Nah. It probably won't. You are thinking as if he were a "guy". He's not.
He was born an old grandmother. Even my mother (who has dementia) says so.

I sent him an e-mail yesterday telling him that *something* is going to
happen. I gave him the basic choices - the callwave.com, a second phone
line or changing the setting on his computer so that he'll get kicked off
every time the phone rings. I may add the possibility of finding a cheap
DSL option. He hasn't answered me - that's his normal way of saying "No".
But it's going to happen. After all, if I call and arrange for a second
phone line and plug his computer into it, what's he going to do? Unplug it
and plug it back into the first line? Refuse to pay the bill? I suppose he
could have them come and remove it but I don't think he'll do that. Whereas
*I* can claim nothing but the best intentions getting the line installed,
taking it out would be a declaration of war and he won't go there.

Ah. Enough of my soap opera. Back to your lives. Thank you everyone for
your suggestions.

Judy

In article ,
Judy wrote:
Apparently he doesn't need an excuse. I've tried to convince him to at
least check into it. I think he's intimidated by any change.

Is DSL even available where he is?
--
Melinda Shore - Software longa, hardware brevis -

Prouder than ever to be a member of the reality-based community