http://www.webtree.ca/tree/keeper/dogs_in_elk.htm

You just can't make up things like this.....


Anne V - 01:01 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Okay - I know how to take meat
away from a dog. How do I take a dog away from meat? This is not,
unfortunately, a joke.

AmyC - 01:02 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Um, can you give us a few more
specifics here?

Anne V - 01:12 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - They're inside of it. They crawled
inside, and now I have a giant incredibly heavy piece of carcass in my
yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and they are NOT getting bored of it and
coming out. One of them is snoring. I have company arriving in three
hours, and my current plan is to 1. put up a tent over said carcass and
2. hang thousands of fly strips inside it. This has been going on since
about 6:40 this morning.

AmyC - 01:19 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Oh. My. God. What sort of carcass is
big enough to hold a couple of dogs inside? Given the situation, I'm
afraid you're not going to be create enough of a diversion to get the
dogs out of the carrion, unless they like greeting company as much as
they like rolling around in dead stuff. Which seems unlikely. Can you
turn a hose on the festivities?

Ase Innes-Ker - 01:31 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - N I'm sorry Anne. I know
this is a problem (and it would have driven me crazy), but it is also
incredibly funny.

Anne V - 01:31 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Elk. Elk are very big this year,
because of the rain and good grazing and so forth. They aren't rolling.
They are alternately napping and eating. They each have a ribcage. Other
dogs are working on them from the outside. It's all way too primal in my
yard right now. We tried the hose trick. At someone elses house, which
is where they climbed in and began to refuse to come out. Many hours
ago. I think that the hose mostly helps keep them cool and dislodges
little moist snacks for them. hose failed. My new hope is that if they
all continue to eat at this rate, they will be finished before the
houseguests arrive. The very urban houseguests. Oh, ghod - I know it's
funny. It's appalling, and funny, and completely entirely representative
of life with dogs.

Kristen R. - 01:37 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - . I'm so glad I read this
thread, dogless as I am. Dogs in elk. Dogs in elk. Jaysus.

Anne V - 01:41 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - It's like that childrens book out
there - dogs in elk, dogs on elk, dogs around elk, dogs outside elk. And
there is some elk inside of, as well as on, each dog at this point.

CoseyMo - 01:49 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - "dogs in elk, dogs on elk, dogs
around elk, dogs outside elk" This is, possibly, the ultimate tagline.

Anne V - 01:56 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - you may have it. Me, I have the
dogs, and the elk. The tagline is available.

Elizabeth K - 01:57 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - # Anne, aren't you in Arizona
or Nevada? There are elk there? I'm so confused! We definately need to
see pics of Gus Pong and Jake in the elk carcass.

Anne V - 02:03 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - I am in New Mexico, but there are
elk in both arizona and nevada, yes. There are elk all over the damn
place. They don't look out very often. If you stand the ribcage on end
they scramble to the top and look out, all red. Otherwise, you kinda
have to get in there a little bit yourself to really see them. So I
think there will not be pictures.

CoseyMo - 02:06 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - "all red." I'm not sure the
deeper horror of all this was fully borne in upon me till I saw that
little phrase.

Anne V - 02:10 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Well, you know, the Basenji (that
would be Jake) is a desert dog, naturally, and infamous for it's
aversion to water. And then, Gus Pong (who is coming to us, live,
unamplified and with a terrific reverb which is making me a little
dizzy) really doesn't mind water, but hates to be cold. Or soapy. And
both of them can really run. Sprints of up to 35 mph have been clocked.
So. If ever they come out, catching them and returning them to a
condition where they can be considered house pets is not going to be,
shall we say, pleasant.

CoseyMo - 02:15 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - What if you stand the ribcage on
end, wait for them to look out, grab them when they do and pull?

Anne V - 02:18 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - They wedge their toes between the
ribs. And scream. We tried that before we brought the elk home from the
mountain with dogs inside. Jake nearly took my friends arm off. He's
already short a toe, so he cherishes the 15 that remain.

CoseyMo - 02:19 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Oy.

Anne V - 02:23 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - vey iz mir

Linda Hewitt - 02:30 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Have you thought about
calling your friendly vet and paying him to come pick up the dogs, elk
and letting the dogs stay at the vets overnight. If anyone would know
what to do, it would be your vet. It might cost some money, but it would
solve the immediate crisis. Keep us posted.

ChristiPeters - 02:37 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Yikes! My sympathy! When I
lived in New Mexico, my best friend's dog (the escape artist) was
continually bringing home road kill. When there was no road kill
convenient, he would visit the neighbor's house. Said neighbor
slaughtered his own beef. The dog found all kinds of impossibly gross
toys in the neighbor's trash pit. I have always had medium to large
dogs. The smallest dog I ever had was a mutt from the SPCA who matured
out at just above knee high and about 55 pounds. Our current dog
(daughter's choice) is a Pomeranian. A very small Pomeranian. She's 8
months old now and not quite 4 pounds. I'm afraid I'll break her.

Lori Shiraishi - 02:38 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Bet you could fit a whole
lot of Pomeranians in that there elk carcass! Anne - my condolences on
what must be a unbelievable situation!

Anne V - 02:44 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - I did call my vet. He laughed
until he was gagging and breathless. He says a lot of things, which can
be summed as *what did you expect?* and *no, there is no such thing as
too much elk meat for a dog.* He is planning to stop over and take a
look on his way home. Thanks, Lori. I am almost surrendered to the
absurdity of it.

Lori Shiraishi - 02:49 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - He is planning to stop
over and take a look on his way home. So he can fall down laughing in
person?

Anne V - 02:50 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Basically, yeah. That would be
about it.

AmyC - 02:56 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - no, there is no such thing as too
much elk meat for a dog. Oh, sweet lord, Anne. You have my deepest
sympathies in this, perhaps the most peculiar of the Gus Pong
Adventures. You are truly a woman of superhuman patience. wait -- you
carried the carcass down from the mountains with the dogs inside?

Anne V - 02:59 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - the carcass down from the
mountains with the dogs inside? no, well, sort of. My part in the whole
thing was to get really stressed about a meeting that I had to go to,
and say *yeah, ok, whatever* when it was suggested that the ribcages,
since we couldn't get the dogs out of them and the dogs couldn't be left
there, be brought to my house. Because, you know - I just thought they
would get bored of it sooner or later. But it appears to be later, in
the misty uncertain future, that they will get bored. Now, they are
still interested. And very loud, one singing, one snoring.

Lori Shiraishi - 03:04 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - And very loud, one
singing, one snoring. wow. I can't even begin to imagine the acoustics
involved with singing from the inside of an elk.

Anne V - 03:04 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - reverb. lots and lots of reverb.

shechemist - 03:09 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Stop! Please Stop! I almost
peed laughing so hard. Reverb! *hawl* Oh my. I have these...images and
now sounds that will haunt me for the rest of the day. And I will start
giggling. and it will scare my cow-orkers.

Anne V - 03:15 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - I'll tell you the thing that is
causing me to lose it again and again, and then I have to go back
outside and stay there for a while. After the meeting, I said to my
(extraordinary) boss, *look, I've gotta go home for the rest of the day,
I think. Jake and Gus Pong are inside some elk ribcages, and my dad is
coming tonight, so I've got to get them out somehow.* And he said, pale
and huge-eyed, *Annie, how did you explain the elk to the clients?* The
poor, poor man thought I had the carcasses brought to work with me. For
some reason, I find this deeply funny.

Linda Hewitt - 03:16 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Since no solution appears in
sight. Why not get this moment preserved for prosterity by calling the
TV stations. I bet they would love a human interest story like this.
Having the TV stations there will also take the edge off of the
situation with your urban company plus it will give you lots to talk ...
laugh about. No worry. You and your guests are going to have a great time.

AmyC - 03:18 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Oh, god. I can't breathe!

Kristen R. - 03:19 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - I know, Amy! I just printed
this to show to my friends. Do you mind, Annie?

Grace Newton - 03:44 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Anne V, now that I've wiped
the tears away and have my breath back, I hope you're still there. Have
you tried pouring something harmless but doggie revolting over the elk
habitat? Diluted pepper sauce maybe. BTW, the reason I'm posting on a
thread I've never appeared in before, a link to your story was dropped
at Rick's Bar in the Politics folder. If it's any consulation, you're
famous!

wordninja - 03:46 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - smooooootch I've got tears of
laughter comin' out of my ol' eyes.
B

erry Gold - 03:51 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - hey...This could be a $10,000
kodak moment. Get a video cam and record the event then submit it to
America`s Funniest Home Videos. Opportunity is a-knockin` here.

Abigail Quart - 07:27 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - . I've emailed it to my
future brother-in-law (maybe HE will be able to read it to my sister
without laughing hysterically) and read it to my Mom (while laughing but
she just made me start over).

Linda Hewitt - 07:30 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - Annie, what the latest
status on the dogs and the elk? Did you get your camcorder out to record
it for all time?

Abigail Quart - 07:44 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - . *no, there is no such
thing as too much elk meat for a dog.* As tagline potential goes, I feel
the above has much to recommend it as a political metaphor.

Kali durga - 09:25 pm PDT - Sep 9, 1999 - HAR EHAWEROIUPSGN HAR HARR
HARR HARR EEEEEEEAAA THIS is hysterical! elk ribs and doggies who can't
be moved!!? I thought I was taking a break from the 'WACO' THREAD!!! BUT
IT'S THE SAME DAMN STORY in metaphor!!!!! eeeeeeeYOWWWWWW red meat,
can't let go...doggies in heat over a carcass...JESS like the Koresh
crew RENO, CLINTON, RENO RENO RENO ELK ELK ELK DOGGIES AFTER RENO ELK.
De (kali) THANX y'all and good luck with the doggies n elk. and i do
mean 'N'

Terri-Lynn S. - 03:50 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - Anne V, thank you, thank
you for the absolute, without a doubt best laugh of the week. I nearly
peed in my pants reading about the dog/elk situation, and I must say you
are keeping a remarkably cool head about everything. Update us, please!

AmyC - 05:22 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - How are you holding up this
morning, Anne? I hope the dogs weren't out on the carcass all night,
snoring and singing and whooping it up like sailors on leave.

CoseyMo - 06:39 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - Anne might not be around today.
Which sucks - I *need* to know the end of this story.

Colette - 06:50 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - I would think the dogs are being
bathed and the carnage in the yard is being cleaned up so as to keep
preditors away, like mountain lions and bear; if she lives "out"

ChristiPeters - 07:07 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - OK, I'll just join the lot
of you and wait until she has the time to relate... ... the rest of the
story. (I really must learn to resist these impulses)

Jill F. - 10:35 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - Oh, I am crying laughing. I
didn't think she could top the Indian food story.

CoseyMo - 10:43 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - Never underestimate the
potential of a household containing Gus Pong. This last day and a half,
I have begun to accost people in the office corridor, like the Ancient
Mariner, in order that I may have the pleasure of relating his exploits.
I tell the tale to people who are not even dog people and who merely
look at me strangely and back away. I will say that listening to Annie
makes my own houseful of dogs look like a Paradise of peace and
civilization by comparison ... which is lucky for Tanya the Spazzed-Out
Doberman in particular or I might've killed her by now . Her quirks --
such as her deep and abiding phobia regarding doors -- now seem
positively benign.

marcia watson - 10:50 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - The suspense is killing
me. You don't suppose that the dogs have dragged her into the carcass
and are holding her hostage?

CoseyMo - 10:57 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - She said something about a long
weekend off for Rosh Hashanah, so we may just have to sit tight till
Monday. Worse for me as I'm on the East Coast and have to wait till well
into my day before I can expect the latest :-)

Grace Newton - 11:04 am PDT - Sep 10, 1999 - I deeply regret I'm not a
cartoonist. The images conjured by posts to this thread over the past
two days cry out to be immortalized. Elk drunk dogs carousing atop rib
cages, whooo. Got to stop, my family thinks I've lost it as it is.

Danielle Duperre - 07:25 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - Ok, Anne, holiday
weekend's over. Talk to us!

Linda Hewitt - 08:34 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - The world is waiting Anne
to hear the latest on Dogs 'N Elk.

Anne V - 08:37 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - So what we did was put the
ribcages (containing dogs) on tarps and drag them around to the side
yard, where I figured they would at least be harder to see, and then
opened my bedroom window so that the dogs could let me know when they
were ready to be plunged into a de-elking solution and let in the house.
Then I went to the airport. Came home, no visible elk, no visible dogs.
Peeked around the shrubs, and there they were, still in the elk. By this
time, they had gnawed out some little portholes between some of the
ribs, and you got the occasional very frightening glimpse of something
moving around in there if you watched long enough. After a lot of
agonizing, I went to bed. I closed the back door, made sure my window
was open, talked to the dogs out of it until I was sure they knew it was
open, and then I fell asleep. Sometimes, sleep is a mistake, no matter
how tired you are. And especially if you are very very tired, and some
of your dogs are outside, inside some elks. Because when you are that
tired, you sleep through bumping kind of noises, or you kind of think
that it's just the house guests. It was't the house guests. It was my
dogs, having an attack of teamwork unprecedented in our domestic
history. When I finally woke all the way up, it was to a horrible
vision. Somehow, 3 dogs with a combined weight of about 90 pounds,
managed to hoist one of the ribcages (the meatier one, of course) up 3
feet to rest on top of the swamp cooler outside the window, and push out
the screen. What woke me was Gus Pong, howling in frustration from
inside the ribcage, very close to my head, combined with feverish little
grunts from Jake, who was standing on the nightstand, bracing himself
against the curtains with remarkably bloody little feet. Here are some
things I have learned, this Rosh Hashanah weekend: 1. almond milk
removes elk blood from curtains and pillowcases, 2. We can all exercise
superhuman strength when it comes to getting elk carcasses out of our
yard, 3. The sight of elk ribcages hurtling over the fence really
frightens the nice deputy sheriff who lives across the street, and 4.
the dogs can pop the screens out of the windows, without damaging them,
from either side.

ChristiPeters - 08:42 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - ROTFLMAO Annie, you should
write a book of your dog-adventures! I know it probably wasn't funny to
live through and, really, you have my sympathies, but it is hilarious
reading!

AmyC - 09:53 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - Oh, Anne! What a way to ring in the
new year! If you ever want to expose the Gus Pong Adventures to a wider
audience, I will give you free space on my web site (holistichound.com
-- but don't look yet! I'm almost done with the new redesign!). You
could put in pictures and sound files and all manner of nifty things!
The world needs Gus Pong!

Anne V - 09:58 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - What I am is really grateful that
they didn't actually get the damn thing in the window, which is clearly
the direction they were going in. And that the nice deputy didn't arrest
me for terrifying her with elk parts before dawn.

AmyC - 09:59 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - Imagine waking up with a gnawed elk
carcass in your bed, like a real-life "Godfather" with an all-dog cast.

Anne V - 10:01 am PDT - Sep 13, 1999 - There is not enough almond milk
in the world to solve an event of that kind.

"Char" wrote in message
m...
http://www.webtree.ca/tree/keeper/dogs_in_elk.htm

You just can't make up things like this.....

Talk about BARF! I saw that before, on one of the forums. Still quite funny.

Diddy would probably enjoy that story, and I'll bet Tuck, Yorik, and the
other elkhounds would love to be part of a story like that.

Paul and Muttley

"Char" wrote

You just can't make up things like this.....

Total LOL Char! Bless you for that! OMG!