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Some much needed humor...



 
 
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Old June 25th 04, 02:29 AM
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Default Some much needed humor...

I have no idea if the following is true or not, but it actually brought a
brief smile to my face, which isn't too easy these days:


Porta Potty Story

We were hoofing it through the Cleveland metroparks with about two
miles left on our ten mile hike, and we came up to a picnic pavilion
area. Off to the left were several portable toilets, porta potties,
and one was being used in a very unusual fashion. There was some sort
of training cart parked next to the porta potty, with four Siberian
husky-malamute looking dogs in harnesses, all hooked to one gang line
(I think that is what it is called).

The gang line was probably 20 feet long, and went directly into the
door of the porta potty. The dogs were not hooked to the training cart
at all, so it appeared they were out on a port o' let sled riding
mission. I can only assume there was no way to anchor the cart and
dogs while the driver was taking care of business, so she got the
brilliant idea to just take the gang line into the porta potty and
hold on to the dogs while she accomplished her goal.

You are probably thinking the exact same thoughts I was when I saw
this little set up: Recipe for disaster. And of course this story
wouldn't really be worth typing if it ended with the woman coming out
and driving off with her dogs into the sunset.

I am fishing for my digital camera to take a picture of the porta
potty-pulling team when my dogs yank their leashes, almost toppling me
over. A squirrel had decided to stop nearby, pick up a nut and eat it
while my three dogs watch. So far the four sled dogs haven't seen the
squirrel, but it is only a matter of time, as my dogs are doing the
"If I wasn't on this leash I would kick that squirrel's a##" dance.
Sure enough, the potty pullers' heads all snap to the direction of the
squirrel, and they all appear to get the same idea as my three
straining at their leashes. My dogs see those dogs spot the squirrel,
and some sort of dog tribal hunting non-verbal communication thing
happens, as every one of the seven dogs on either end of the field
realizes that it's pretty much a race to see which of the two groups
can get to the squirrel faster.

My dogs redouble their pulling efforts, and the four dog sled team
reacted as one, and lunge full steam for the squirrel. The porta potty
sort of spins about 30 degrees and rocks like the dickens. Luckily, it
doesn't tip over, but kind of rocks back and forth a time or two and
then rights itself. Well, that is just unacceptable to the sled team,
and they give another huge yank. The porta potty spins yet again, and
from inside some sort of human screech occurs.

The screech seemed to slow the sled dogs down and they settled into a
nervous stand. At this point the squirrel decided the dogs weren't
going to get him so he started doing some kind of "na,na,na can't get
me" dance, infuriating the porta potty pullers. If you ever wondered
why dog sleds are built long and low to the ground, as opposed to
small and tall, like, say, the shape of a porta potty, you need no
longer wonder if this is a design flaw. Anyhow, the pulling and
barking started up again. The porta potty did its best to stay
standing, rocking heavily back and forth. The dogs, sensing victory,
forgot completely about the squirrel, and started timing their pulls
with the rocking, and of course triumphantly gave one last tug and
yanked the porta potty over. For some reason, they just stopped
pulling after the porta potty settled on the ground. (I'm not sure
what happened to the squirrel at this point, although if he was
anything like that insurance commercial where the two squirrels make
the car wreck and high five each other, then my guess is he ran off
into the woods to get his friends so he could show them what he'd
accomplished.)

From the porta potty came a series of cuss words unrepeatable in this
story, so I figured I'd better see if I could help. The porta potty
unfortunately had landed face down, meaning the door was now the
bottom.

I tied my dogs to a tree and ventured toward the port o let. I asked
if the occupant was ok. She said yes, in a lot more colorful and
verbal way than just yes, but for the purposes of this story we'll
just say she said yes.

The porta potty hadn't faired as well. You could tell it was hurt
because there was a lot of blue fluid leaking from it. I told the
woman that I would have to roll the porta potty on its side to get the
door open and she should find something to hang on to. Well a couple
good shoves later, the thing rolled 90 degrees and the door was
exposed. The door opened and out crawled a blue mama smurf, covered
with the blue blood of the dying porta potty. Her dogs came running
and decided she needed a bath. About this point she realized that
step 10 in the bathroom process entitled "put your pants back on" had
been skipped, so she disappeared back into the porta potty.

Well, she was in absolutely no mood to talk about her ride on the
wild side, which I didn't blame her, so she got the short version of
what had happened outside and I spared her the indignity of having to
recite what happened from inside. I helped her hook her dogs back up
to the cart looking thing, and off she went, glowing blue as she went
drove down the
path and back into the woods. I can't imagine what all the other
visitors thought as they walked serenely through the park and were
passed by a pissed off blue smurf and her merry band of blue-tongued
dogs.


 




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