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Elvis has left the building....
One of Finn's nicknames was Elvis, since he had an unusual effect on
female pooches. He was not friendly when it came to ther dogs, but the select few females he would allow in his circle would become almost fanatical about him. The running joke became that someone would announce "Elvis has left the building" to whatever swooning female was carrying on after Finn's departure. Maybe its stupid, but it feels fitting here. So I had to say goodbye to a dear friend today. The battle for Finn's health has been long and nobly fought (the nobility part was his, and his alone) but the day I knew was coming still came.....and came hard for me. His leg had gotten weaker and weaker over the last several months. Since November, he's needed the assistance of his hip harness for even short walks outside. I chose not to let him go then because his spirit never seemed to weaken. He was still so full of fire.....and so we kept on trying. Around the end of December, I could see the pain in his eyes. He was hurting badly. I had always figured that he would "tell me" when it was time for him to go. When I saw the pain in his eyes, it struck me that he likely never would. He wasn't done living.....he was just done hurting. So, we tried one last set of antibiotics (and a new analgesic to dampen the pain)....but his white blood count just kept spiralling off the charts. The new analgeseic did its job of keeping him more comfortable, but that wasn't enough....and his bad bad ouchies were getting worse too quickly. His vet came over at 4 pm today, Jan 21. Last night we had macaroni and cheese, about a pound of dog biscuits (ok, that wasn't "we"....that was just him), two large marrow bones (also him), cheese, and lots of chocolate ice cream (he decided right there and then I'd been holding out on him all these years....chocolate was a BIG hit). He made a special last trip to his favorite local deli for meaty snacksfrom the buffet bar, and got to hog the bed all night long without me trying to snatch back so much as a corner of the blanket. He had some pain, but he was able to tolerate extra pain meds, so thankfully he was mostly comfortable. Me, I was pretty much up all night. I just didn't want to close my eyes. I guess I figured I had the rest of my life to never see him again....so I kept on petting him and just looking at his mug. Some dear friends (and great admirers of my beautiful boy) came over for pets and snacks. Part "sendoff party" and part "keep Tara from loosing it" support group. He loved visitors so much (especially when they were there to pay *him* attention), that this was a nice treat. We had just come back from a long walk in the snow where he got to eat as much of the white stuff as he wanted without any protestations from me. He thought that was weird.....but cool. He got the most heartwarming gift from heaven when a squirrel got so caught up in mouthing off (NY style) that Finn came inches from actually catching him. He was pretty pleased with his near catch and did a good approximation of a strut. Finn got to leave this world feeling like the mighty hunter we all knew he was. By the time I got him home, he was pretty much done. I could tell he was still frustrated by all the things he still wanted to follow, chase or sniff....but his body really hurt and it would all have to wait until his next time around. Time seemed to speed up so fast while we were waiting for the vet. One minute it was only 3pm and I was arranging his meat and cheese plate, and the next minute it was 4pm and there was the gentlest tap on the door. Bonnie (Finn's wonderful vet) slipped in and gently guided us all through what happened next. I don't remember everything, but I do remember it being so quick....and so peaceful. I remember how his eyes looked as the light that shone so brightly in them just dimmed. I remember how his head just slowly got heavier in my arms. And I remember the aching pain when it occured to me that he wasn't just sleeping...that he was gone. He left surrounded by a lot of love and support. I'm so very grateful for the friends who came and helped me to help him. I'm so very grateful to his vet for being so tender to him and for making his transition so merciful. I am so very grateful to him for everything that he gave me (which was never less than everything he had) and I'm grateful for everything he taught me. God I miss his beautiful face. Tara |
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