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Fidget Report, Eight Months, and Other Stuff (long)
I haven't really been around these parts much lately...too much going
on. But today marks eight months since Toby died, and it doesn't seem possible. Eight months? That's almost a year. And it was just about a year ago that his diagnosis was certain. The combination, plus the rain (as Suja mentioned) has left me feeling rather down. I still expect to see Toby walk into the room and lie down under my chair. I half wait for him to hop up onto the bed at night, or come up into my lap (I'd have to lift him, he never managed to jump up on his own) and sleep there for hours. Or do his little happy dance when it's time to go outside. I miss everything about him, even the barking, and some days, like today, it just seems unbearable. And then there's Fidget, who still isn't eating regularly. We've tried everything, no one can find anything physically wrong. We finally gave up on the special diet (no grains) and basically, if he'll eat something, he can have it. His spirits are good and he's quite active and happy, but meal time is a running frustration. He's on cortisone (natural) every 36 hours, which isn't good but at least he'll eat something occasionally while on them...we're back in the "keep him happy for as long as possible" stage, which I absolutely hate being in. We took him to New Jersey with us this weekend. He was mostly mellow, but there was a lot of activity (houseful of people) and he started climbing into my lap whenever I sat down, and sitting there as long as I'd let him. Fidget *never* does this, and has stopped since we got home, but he needed the extra reassurance there. (It didn't help that David's niece's husband is the only non-dog-person in the entire extended family, so dogs aren't allowed on the furniture there...at least not while he's home. David and I had to go to the store Friday evening to pick up some things (David made food for the entire weekend, recipes from their childhood that everyone likes but nobody has time to make anymore) and Fidget tried to get some reassurance by hopping up onto the couch next to Ron, who was at least kind enough to gently suggest that he get down rather than being a tyrant about it.) The reason we and most of the rest of the family were in NJ was that David's sister, who has been through two rounds of surgery and chemotherapy for breast cancer already, was taken to the hospital a couple of weeks ago for what she thought were heart problems, but which turned out to be her cancer...it has now spread to her lungs and several other organs, and there really isn't anything left to do for it. She's going through chemo again, but the only hope is that it will stop the cancer from growing...there's no way to get rid of it now. The entire family is having to deal with this--and she's always been the center of it, the hub everyone else revolves around, so it's even more devastating than it sounds. David's going to take another leave of absence from school so that he can be free to go up there whenever she needs him. So basically right now it sucks to be me or a lot of people close to me. We're all hanging in there but I keep waiting for shoes to drop. *sigh* -- Bright eyes/burning like fire, | Kevin Michael Vail Bright eyes/how can you close and fail? | How can the light that shone so brightly | . . . . . . . . . . Suddenly shine so pale?/Bright eyes | . . . . . . . . . |
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