From http://eyesontheball.blogspot.com
Eyes on the ball newswi Dec 30, 2004
Peoria, IL
Dog Boredom Sweeps Nation
Posted by: Pluto's Dad

At a recent Veterinarian Society of America conference, a buzz was
generated by the paper "Bored Dogs Reach Epidemic Proportions" by
veterinarian Neil Goodlove. Our reporters were granted this exclusive
interview with him.

"If wives are 'football widows,' then dogs are 'football orphans,'" Dr
Goodlove told us. "Every year more and more bowl games are added to the
college football season. With the growing popularity of satellite TV,
all of these games are available and the problem is only getting worse.
That is why the Veterinarian Society of America has come out with a
statement in support of a playoff season for college football, at least
that will mean less games.

"No matter how many times it is explained to me, I still can't figure
out how they decide who goes to the Rose Bowl or the championship bowl.
The madness must end!

"But that is not all, things have gotten especially bad since
Christmas. Many dog owners received Halo 2 or Knights of the Old
Republic 2 from their girlfriends or wives, and this has only made
matters worse. We are lobbying to place warning stickers on these
games, saying 'Warning, may cause disappearance into rec rooms,
inability of other family members to access TV, and ignoring of dogs.'"

He handed us a photo of a german shepherd. "See Rex here?" he said.
"See this hot spot, this bare patch of skin? He tore his hair out there
chewing on it, he was so bored out of his mind. And look at this
shitzu, Max. Look how unhappy he is after having an accident in the
house since his dad was too busy defeating the Sith to let him out."

"We have had increasing incidents of this sort of self-mutilation like
chewing and pulling hair out," said Margaret Obtenezvie, canine
psychologist. "Dogs are going stir-crazy with nothing to do. Some are
chasing tails and running around barking, all in a vain attempt to get
their owner's attention, who is glued to the TV.

"There is an increasing number of accidents since dogs are not being
let out in time. Canine chakras are way out of alignment. We are also
seeing an increase in oversleeping, not coming when called, and, most
disconcerting of all, falling grades in obedience classes.

"This is Sammy," she said, indicating a black lab lying next to us. He
raised his eyebrows eyeing us both at the mention of his name. "He used
to get As in obedience class. Now he gets Cs. He also won't do his
agility runs. His teachers say he simply doesn't pay attention anymore,
he acts up in class, and always wants to be the center of attention. I
have tried to get through to him, but he seems more interested in
squirrels.

"I don't know what we're going to do with these problem dogs, but we
have to find an answer soon. They're just not getting enough attention
at home. Parents can't continue to just dump their discipline problems
on the schools.

"This year will be the worst, since in the next few weeks, even as the
football season ends and these owners finish up their video games, the
new seasons of Battlestar Galactica and Stargate will start. And now
there are two Stargates!"

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