diddy said in rec.pets.dogs.behavior:

whittled the following words:

Murphy died before this recent phenomenon of "silent posts."
FWIW, I appreciated all responses, no matter how awkward,
because I knew they were from the heart.

You know, I got silent posts when Danny died. I found them
very comforting. Saying things just made me cry harder.
Having the silent tributes simply stood alone. I felt every
bit as comforted by silent posts as some fumbling words. And
even if you didn't know the dog, a silent post certainly was
not disingenous. No saying, I know how you feel. You cannot
know how they feel. You can only guess. Sometimes, a silent
post stands as the greatest tribute of all, or if you don't
like the person, at least you can acknowlege the dog. As a
matter of fact, when they posted silent posts for Danny, I
was much relieved that certain posters didn't even bother to
acknowlege, to come to think of it. I would have been
infuriated, had they invaded my space, and my pain. I'm so
glad you and specific others didn't bother.

where, oh where, to start...?

1) i thought it in poor taste to muck up Isis' thread with
your foulness, so i started a new one. shame on *you* for
being an insensitive bitch. someone who claims that it would
be offensive for certain folks to even acknowledge her dog's
passing ought to have her hands smacked for posting the above
rant in a thread dedicated to another dog's memory. ****wit.

2) i thought your post merited archiving.

3) how you extrapolated from Matt's explanation of why he
appreciates even awkward condolences that he was accusing you
of disingenousness is a mystery to, i expect, anyone with half
a brane stem.

4) have i mentioned lately that you're a real piece of work?

--
shelly
http://www.cat-sidh.net
http://cat-sidh.blogspot.com/
http://letters-to-esther.blogspot.com/ (updated 7/10/05)

shelly writes:

where, oh where, to start...?

Indeed.

I wasn't going to reply about this in the thread about Isis, as I
didn't think that would be appropriate.

For a bit of perspective, however - I know Debbie personally, not just
as another faceless person on Usenet groups. She's my agility
instructor, and she is my friend.

I really don't need, nor want, any advice about how I should express
my condolences on the loss of a beloved companion from someone who is
most definitely not a friend of Debbie.

--
Stafford A. Rau
raudog @ rauhaus.org

shelly wrote:

where, oh where, to start...?

Since the topic has come up... I've been awfully selfish. Grief is one
of those things I've always had trouble with. However, that doesn't
excuse the fact that I've just not been acknowledging those dealing with
the passing of one of their pets, or having a tough time with their
dogs' health.

My apologies. Will do better.

Suja

On Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:12:30 -0400, Suja wrote:

Since the topic has come up... I've been awfully selfish. Grief is one
of those things I've always had trouble with. However, that doesn't
excuse the fact that I've just not been acknowledging those dealing with
the passing of one of their pets, or having a tough time with their
dogs' health.

My apologies. Will do better.

FWIW, you are not alone in experiencing uneasiness, awkwardness, etc.,
in responding to the grief others feel due to the loss of a pet. I've
responded only once or twice, but I almost always weep. I hurt. I don't
know how the other person feels; only how I have felt at those times. I
remember that no words really help.

I'm having a little trouble seeing the value of silent posts, but I am
gradually beginning to think they serve a good purpose. I'm often
reluctant to speak up because it seems I offend a lot of people. Because
I can't keep track, it seems better to remain silent than to send
condolences to someone who'd like for me to drop dead.

Personally, I don't think you need to apologize. After all, you did your
best.


Whatever it takes.

On Fri, 15 Jul 2005 18:56:20 -0400, Michael A. Ball
wrote:

On Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:12:30 -0400, Suja wrote:

Since the topic has come up... I've been awfully selfish. Grief is one
of those things I've always had trouble with. However, that doesn't
excuse the fact that I've just not been acknowledging those dealing with
the passing of one of their pets, or having a tough time with their
dogs' health.

My apologies. Will do better.

FWIW, you are not alone in experiencing uneasiness, awkwardness, etc.,
in responding to the grief others feel due to the loss of a pet. I've
responded only once or twice, but I almost always weep. I hurt. I don't
know how the other person feels; only how I have felt at those times. I
remember that no words really help.

I will confess to not even reading posts that appear to be about dogs
who have died lately. I couldn't read any rpdb at all for a while
after Diva's death. I can handle some, but not all, threads now.
When some people have not replied to my posts about dogs who have
passed on, I have not assumed that it is for lack of caring and I hope
others have not assumed that was the case with me. Sometimes people
don't know what to say, sometimes they aren't in a place to deal with
deaths. The more people love dogs, the harder it is to deal with the
fact that their dogs won't be with them forever. When others pass, it
is a reminder of how little time we have with our own. Sometimes that
is something we can deal with and other times it is not. I don't take
it as a reflection on anyone's love for any poster or poster's dogs.
If there are bad feelings about particular posters and that carries
over to bad feelings about their dogs, that says more about the person
with bad feelings than it does about the dog or the poster. How can
you truly be a dog loving person and blame an innocent dog for the
fact that its owner is an ass? Don't we all love dogs especially for
the fact that they know we are asses but love us anyway? FWIW, I
assume that if someone who does not like me takes the time to
commiserate in any way, silent or not, posted or just in their heart,
it is a gesture of good faith and honor to my dog and has nothing to
do with whether I am a good person, good dog owner or anything else.
I'll save those judgments for people who do or do not show up at my
funeral, and even then, I hope to not be so insecure that it matters
to me a whole bunch. Hopefully, I'll have better things to worry
about and an even better understanding of the fact that how people
react to death has little to do with how they felt about the person or
animal when alive.

--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay

"Suja" wrote in message
news:0vVBe.56151$iU.50945@lakeread05...

Since the topic has come up... I've been awfully selfish. Grief is one of
those things I've always had trouble with. However, that doesn't excuse
the fact that I've just not been acknowledging those dealing with the
passing of one of their pets, or having a tough time with their dogs'
health.

My apologies. Will do better.

There are alot of us like that. I always found myself at a loss for words.
The few times I've replied with wordsits sounded like an empty stock reply.
There are many pets/tragedies I haven't acknowledged because, to me, nothing
I can think to say suffices. I have trouble giving & receiving condolences
but that doesn't mean I don't feel for someone going through pain. When I
saw the silent posts start I felt comfortable with them. Its a way for me
to acknowledge the person without giving some cheesy and empty-sounding
condolence.

--
Tara

In article ,
Paula wrote:

I will confess to not even reading posts that appear to be about dogs
who have died lately. I couldn't read any rpdb at all for a while
after Diva's death. I can handle some, but not all, threads now.
When some people have not replied to my posts about dogs who have
passed on, I have not assumed that it is for lack of caring and I hope
others have not assumed that was the case with me. Sometimes people
don't know what to say, sometimes they aren't in a place to deal with
deaths. The more people love dogs, the harder it is to deal with the
fact that their dogs won't be with them forever. When others pass, it
is a reminder of how little time we have with our own. Sometimes that
is something we can deal with and other times it is not. I don't take
it as a reflection on anyone's love for any poster or poster's dogs.
If there are bad feelings about particular posters and that carries
over to bad feelings about their dogs, that says more about the person
with bad feelings than it does about the dog or the poster. How can
you truly be a dog loving person and blame an innocent dog for the
fact that its owner is an ass? Don't we all love dogs especially for
the fact that they know we are asses but love us anyway? FWIW, I
assume that if someone who does not like me takes the time to
commiserate in any way, silent or not, posted or just in their heart,
it is a gesture of good faith and honor to my dog and has nothing to
do with whether I am a good person, good dog owner or anything else.
I'll save those judgments for people who do or do not show up at my
funeral, and even then, I hope to not be so insecure that it matters
to me a whole bunch. Hopefully, I'll have better things to worry
about and an even better understanding of the fact that how people
react to death has little to do with how they felt about the person or
animal when alive.

Very well said, and I agree completely.
--
boss, sometimes i think | kevin michael vail
that our friend mehitabel |
is a trifle too gay |
-- archy | wotthehell wotthehell

Paula wrote:

I will confess to not even reading posts that appear to be about dogs
who have died lately. I couldn't read any rpdb at all for a while
after Diva's death. I can handle some, but not all, threads now.
When some people have not replied to my posts about dogs who have
passed on, I have not assumed that it is for lack of caring and I hope
others have not assumed that was the case with me. Sometimes people
don't know what to say, sometimes they aren't in a place to deal with
deaths. The more people love dogs, the harder it is to deal with the
fact that their dogs won't be with them forever. When others pass, it
is a reminder of how little time we have with our own. Sometimes that
is something we can deal with and other times it is not. I don't take
it as a reflection on anyone's love for any poster or poster's dogs.
If there are bad feelings about particular posters and that carries
over to bad feelings about their dogs, that says more about the person
with bad feelings than it does about the dog or the poster. How can
you truly be a dog loving person and blame an innocent dog for the
fact that its owner is an ass? Don't we all love dogs especially for
the fact that they know we are asses but love us anyway? FWIW, I
assume that if someone who does not like me takes the time to
commiserate in any way, silent or not, posted or just in their heart,
it is a gesture of good faith and honor to my dog and has nothing to
do with whether I am a good person, good dog owner or anything else.
I'll save those judgments for people who do or do not show up at my
funeral, and even then, I hope to not be so insecure that it matters
to me a whole bunch. Hopefully, I'll have better things to worry
about and an even better understanding of the fact that how people
react to death has little to do with how they felt about the person or
animal when alive.

Great post, Paula! Thank you.

Lucy (feeling that not words, not even silence can express the grief at
the thought of a dog's death)

I don't get the point of silent posts. It's very difficult to know
what to write but just saying I'm sorry for your loss is enough for
me. .

-- Alison
http://catinfolinks.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/
http://doginfolinks.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/

"shelly" wrote in message
arble.net...
diddy said in rec.pets.dogs.behavior:

whittled the following words:

Murphy died before this recent phenomenon of "silent posts."
FWIW, I appreciated all responses, no matter how awkward,
because I knew they were from the heart.

You know, I got silent posts when Danny died. I found them
very comforting. Saying things just made me cry harder.
Having the silent tributes simply stood alone. I felt every
bit as comforted by silent posts as some fumbling words. And
even if you didn't know the dog, a silent post certainly was
not disingenous. No saying, I know how you feel. You cannot
know how they feel. You can only guess. Sometimes, a silent
post stands as the greatest tribute of all, or if you don't
like the person, at least you can acknowlege the dog. As a
matter of fact, when they posted silent posts for Danny, I
was much relieved that certain posters didn't even bother to
acknowlege, to come to think of it. I would have been
infuriated, had they invaded my space, and my pain. I'm so
glad you and specific others didn't bother.

where, oh where, to start...?

1) i thought it in poor taste to muck up Isis' thread with
your foulness, so i started a new one. shame on *you* for
being an insensitive bitch. someone who claims that it would
be offensive for certain folks to even acknowledge her dog's
passing ought to have her hands smacked for posting the above
rant in a thread dedicated to another dog's memory. ****wit.

2) i thought your post merited archiving.

3) how you extrapolated from Matt's explanation of why he
appreciates even awkward condolences that he was accusing you
of disingenousness is a mystery to, i expect, anyone with half
a brane stem.

4) have i mentioned lately that you're a real piece of work?

--
shelly
http://www.cat-sidh.net
http://cat-sidh.blogspot.com/
http://letters-to-esther.blogspot.com/ (updated 7/10/05)

On 16 Jul 2005 00:46:36 -0700, wrote:


...Lucy (feeling that not words, not even silence can express the grief at
the thought of a dog's death)

Neither words, nor silence work. Yes, that is exactly how I always feel.


"As long as there are final exams, there will be prayer in public
schools"