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Question: How to deal with dog that stays off by herself rather than stay with the family?
We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer
rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? Thank you. Buttercup's Dad. |
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"David S." wrote in message
... We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? Thank you. The only people that have to like the dog are its owners, and you do, bless your hearts. Will she take a treat out of your hand? Maybe a little training, to get her used to the idea that if she interacts with you more, Yummy Things Will Happen. As far as the umbrella, if she were my dog I'd open the umbrella and leave it on the floor somewhere, in a spot where she could see it but not need to pass real close to it. Just leave it there. Maybe put a couple treats on the floor near it. Then let her come to terms with it. I would also consider getting another, friendly dog of the opposite sex (but neutered). Buttercup would enjoy the company, and would probably learn from the new dog to relax. She sounds as though she never got socialized to people when she was a puppy. But even at this stage, she can become more socialized than she is, if you take it slow and easy IMO. Hopefully you'll get a reply from one or more of the trainers in the ng. flick 100785 Buttercup's Dad. |
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"David S." wrote in
: We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer rescue group. Thanks for rescuing her, David! We have had her for almost two years and we think she is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard). Not knowing her background, David, the best thing you can do now is to GO SLOW. Most dogs dislike change. As far as not eating or drinking out of "new" bowls, why push it? She'll eventually do it if she has no other choice, but why even put her through a perhaps stressful situation if you don't have to? Try putting some "new" bowls down along with the "old" bowls, so that she can acclimate to them SLOWLY. Initially put the food and water into her "old" bowls, then try putting some inside the "new" bowls after a few weeks of desensitizing her to them. Regarding the leash, do you mean that she doesn't run off when you try to put the "old" leash on her? Just the "new" one? She'll also eventually eat if someone is in the room, but why force her? Hunger and thirst have a way of dealing with things like that, provided that *you* don't do anything to upset the applecart. Have you looked at *your* own behavior? And the behavior of your family? Are you generally loud and boisterous? If so, and she's not used to being around loud and boisterous people(which she almost certainly isn't), she might prefer to just stay to herself. Flick gave you some good advice regarding the umbrella. GRADUALLY allow her to get used to it, to make it associated with "good things," like treats, etc., and not "scary things," like the rain, etc. When you do eventually open it up, do it v-e-r-y slowly, allow it to sit somewhere while it's still open. It won't happen overnight, but if you do this S- L-O-W-L-Y enough, she'll eventually learn to deal with it. In the meantime, if it rains, wear a good raincoat with a hood. We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. Learning to live with a dog's quirks is the hallmark of a good rescuer. It's not necessary to change every "quirky" behavior. Take comfort in the fact that she's generally happy, and gives you pleasure. Not every "quirk" needs to be dealt with -- just serious ones. Ones that might endanger her (or your) safety, etc. And again, look at *your* own behavior in the house. Is there always a stereo or TV blasting? Lots of loud or animated talk? Neighborhood noises? She may never fully come around to really enjoying your close proximity, but there's no reason that you can't keep trying your best to be very ATTRACTIVE to her. Always having treats at the ready, toys, etc., or even try some gentle massage. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? I'd let her be. But try some of the things I mentioned above and see if she doesn't want to spend more time with you and your wife. She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Frequently bringing her to be "with her own kind" is a good way of getting her to appreciate *you* more (you bring her "good things"). But do *you* ever do anything *with* your dog? Like train her? Throw balls for her? Go jogging/walking with her? Take her for rides in the car (provided she's not fearful of them)? Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a lot here. But don't feel quilty, either, if you're circumstances don't allow for it right now. She's got a good home, and a couple of humans who care for her. That's more than most dogs have. She's a lucky gal. And good luck! -- Handsome Jack Morrison *gently remove the detonator to send me e-mail "You ask what is our aim? I can answer that in one word, victory at all costs, victory in spite of terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival." Winston Churchill |
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Handsome Jack Morrison wrote:
A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a lot here. But don't feel quilty, either, Hey! I take exception to that. --Lia |
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Handsome Jack Morrison wrote:
On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 16:12:26 -0400, Julia Altshuler wrote: Handsome Jack Morrison wrote: A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a lot here. But don't feel *quilty*, either, Hey! I take exception to that. To...what? I'm almost afraid to ask. |
#6
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David,
Considering you don't really know her back ground I'd just give it some time. It could be she was abused at some point. An abused dog takes alot of work to gain their trust and eventually you get there. It sounds like you are on the right track with her and working with her quirks. My one dog Brandy was abused by her former owner and it took me well over a year before she would totally trust and realize that if she barked she wasn't going to get a beating for it. The best sound I ever heard every day was her at the back door when I got home barking for me to get that door open so she could get out to see me. She too often stayed back out of the way either in another room or at the edge of the current one just looking and observing. Eventually as she got up her confidence and trust in me she started following me around. Good luck keep at it. Celeste "David S." wrote in message ... We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? Thank you. Buttercup's Dad. |
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On Tue, 2 Aug 2005 07:20:42 -0400, "David S."
wrote: We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? If being in the other room really bugs you, then by all means you can take steps to try to get her to be more comfortable hanging out with you. I think it is really great that you don't want to get rid of her even if any efforts in that direction don't work out because that is important to the dog and you might not be able to change it. If you want to try, go slowly and very laid back. For example, you could close the doors to her favorite hiding rooms, but leave an area that is near you but not right with you open to her so she can get used to be closer to you without being pushed completely out of her comfort zone. Be very low key while you do it. Don't make any fuss as she doesn't seem to react well to that. Just do your thing, maybe have some good liver treats nearby and act like you don't even notice whether she is in the room or not. At pet stores, you can get some stuff called Kong stuffing that is liver flavored that my dogs cannot resist. They love liver treats, too. Apparently stinky equals yummy to dogs. Anyway, you could make a trail from a hallway to the room you are in with liver stuff and see if she follows it toward you. Just remember to be totally low key about whether she does or doesn't. She needs to know that whatever her choice, you will be cool with it and won't call attention to the fact that her old routine is changing. It sounds like she does love other dogs. If you think it might help her, you can foster a dog from a rescue agency to see how it works without having to commit to the dog. If she gets better, but then you have two dogs who play with each other and completely ignore you or if another dog actually makes things worse for your current dog, you can always stop fostering. If it works out great, you can ask the rescue about adopting your foster. If the concept seems good but the dog doesn't work, you can ask to foster a different dog instead. It's a great way to experiment without being stuck with permanent consequences. Plus, you are helping out another dog in need, even a week or two of fostering helps tremendously. Good luck with your dog and let us know how things go. I hope that she relaxes over time. Oh, another thing you can do is talk to a vet. Sometimes anxiety can be chemical in dogs, just like it can be in humans and medication might help if that is the case with your dog. -- Paula "Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay |
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Hi Flick:
A couple things I failed to put in the original post. One, no she will not take food out of our hand. As a matter of fact she is even more quirky than that. One day I put a hamburger on a sandwich plate next to her bowl and left the room for about fifteen minutes (she will not eat or drink with someone in the room, another quirk). When I went back in the hamburger was still there and she was just standing there looking at it with a pretty pathetic look on her face. I then dumped the hamburger in her bowl and left the room with the sandwich plate. I could hear her eat up the hamburger right away. How does one explain that one?! Another dog is out of the question for us, if for no other reason than my wife says no. She is retired, this was supposed to be her dog by the way, and she is the one that would have to contend with the two dogs, walking, etc. I have to defer to her wishes on this. I will, however, try leaving the umbrella around so she gets used to seeing it. After awhile I will try to take it on walks, but not opened. We will see how that works. Up to now I have survived with a hooded waterproof jacket and a big towel in the garage to clean up the dog before going back in the house. Thank you for your input. David "flick" wrote in message ... "David S." wrote in message ... We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? Thank you. The only people that have to like the dog are its owners, and you do, bless your hearts. Will she take a treat out of your hand? Maybe a little training, to get her used to the idea that if she interacts with you more, Yummy Things Will Happen. As far as the umbrella, if she were my dog I'd open the umbrella and leave it on the floor somewhere, in a spot where she could see it but not need to pass real close to it. Just leave it there. Maybe put a couple treats on the floor near it. Then let her come to terms with it. I would also consider getting another, friendly dog of the opposite sex (but neutered). Buttercup would enjoy the company, and would probably learn from the new dog to relax. She sounds as though she never got socialized to people when she was a puppy. But even at this stage, she can become more socialized than she is, if you take it slow and easy IMO. Hopefully you'll get a reply from one or more of the trainers in the ng. flick 100785 Buttercup's Dad. |
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I could not believe it, but my neighbors on both sides have dogs that were
rescues. There are also several people that I have met out walking whose dogs were rescues. At the local Pets Mart I met a guy who has three greyhounds that he got from that rescue group. So that seems to be pretty popular around here. On the leash, yes, she is okay with the original leash (she loves to go outside), but she shys away from anything different. She is very sensitive to change. We have been trying to take it slow with her. I do not want to frighten her any more than what she already is (my grandson is the only one that makes noise and runs around and the like, but he is only there once or twice a month for a visit). We have had her almost two years now, and she is much better than what she was at first, but the odd behaviors still continue. The hiding out in the house is what bothers me the most. As to the umbrella, yes I have a nice hooded rainproof jacket that keeps me kind of dry. Buttercup does not seem to care about the rain. Come to think of it, for a dog that is so shy and timid she is not afraid of the thunder or lightning (thank God). That seems kind of odd in and of itself, doesn't it? Maybe running free she just got used to it. Who knows? Thank you. David S. "Handsome Jack Morrison" wrote in message ... "David S." wrote in : We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer rescue group. Thanks for rescuing her, David! We have had her for almost two years and we think she is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard). Not knowing her background, David, the best thing you can do now is to GO SLOW. Most dogs dislike change. As far as not eating or drinking out of "new" bowls, why push it? She'll eventually do it if she has no other choice, but why even put her through a perhaps stressful situation if you don't have to? Try putting some "new" bowls down along with the "old" bowls, so that she can acclimate to them SLOWLY. Initially put the food and water into her "old" bowls, then try putting some inside the "new" bowls after a few weeks of desensitizing her to them. Regarding the leash, do you mean that she doesn't run off when you try to put the "old" leash on her? Just the "new" one? She'll also eventually eat if someone is in the room, but why force her? Hunger and thirst have a way of dealing with things like that, provided that *you* don't do anything to upset the applecart. Have you looked at *your* own behavior? And the behavior of your family? Are you generally loud and boisterous? If so, and she's not used to being around loud and boisterous people(which she almost certainly isn't), she might prefer to just stay to herself. Flick gave you some good advice regarding the umbrella. GRADUALLY allow her to get used to it, to make it associated with "good things," like treats, etc., and not "scary things," like the rain, etc. When you do eventually open it up, do it v-e-r-y slowly, allow it to sit somewhere while it's still open. It won't happen overnight, but if you do this S- L-O-W-L-Y enough, she'll eventually learn to deal with it. In the meantime, if it rains, wear a good raincoat with a hood. We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids. Learning to live with a dog's quirks is the hallmark of a good rescuer. It's not necessary to change every "quirky" behavior. Take comfort in the fact that she's generally happy, and gives you pleasure. Not every "quirk" needs to be dealt with -- just serious ones. Ones that might endanger her (or your) safety, etc. And again, look at *your* own behavior in the house. Is there always a stereo or TV blasting? Lots of loud or animated talk? Neighborhood noises? She may never fully come around to really enjoying your close proximity, but there's no reason that you can't keep trying your best to be very ATTRACTIVE to her. Always having treats at the ready, toys, etc., or even try some gentle massage. So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be? I'd let her be. But try some of the things I mentioned above and see if she doesn't want to spend more time with you and your wife. She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Frequently bringing her to be "with her own kind" is a good way of getting her to appreciate *you* more (you bring her "good things"). But do *you* ever do anything *with* your dog? Like train her? Throw balls for her? Go jogging/walking with her? Take her for rides in the car (provided she's not fearful of them)? Many people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice? A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a lot here. But don't feel quilty, either, if you're circumstances don't allow for it right now. She's got a good home, and a couple of humans who care for her. That's more than most dogs have. She's a lucky gal. And good luck! -- Handsome Jack Morrison *gently remove the detonator to send me e-mail "You ask what is our aim? I can answer that in one word, victory at all costs, victory in spite of terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival." Winston Churchill |
#10
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In article ,
David S. wrote: A couple things I failed to put in the original post. One, no she will not take food out of our hand. Some extremely submissive or worried dogs will not take food from anybody/anything or eat in front of other critters - they're trying to avoid provoking another dog's ire and often they're simply not sure what's okay and what's not. I've found that consistency and patience are the key to moving forward. Also, making sure that the dog has a safe space that she knws is hers and hers alone. Have you thought about feeding in the crate? I have a bunch of dogs and I've found that sometimes things as simple as moving the food bowl so that she's facing away from the other dogs when she eats can make the difference between a dog that will eat in the same room as other dogs and a dog that won't. -- Melinda Shore - Software longa, hardware brevis - Let's start racial profiling tax cheaters. |
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