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Question: How to deal with dog that stays off by herself rather than stay with the family?



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 2nd 05, 12:20 PM
David S.
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Posts: n/a
Default Question: How to deal with dog that stays off by herself rather than stay with the family?

We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a volunteer
rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is
about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in and
sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background. She
is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with other
animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like
change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down
originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on her
to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so forth.
She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get
wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no
yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit
with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids.
So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be?
She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind.
She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and
runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many
people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for
us. What to do? Advice?
Thank you.
Buttercup's Dad.


  #2  
Old August 2nd 05, 02:33 PM
flick
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"David S." wrote in message
...
We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a
volunteer
rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is
about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in
and
sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background.
She
is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with
other
animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like
change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down
originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on
her
to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so
forth.
She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and
get
wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no
yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to
sit
with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids.
So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be?
She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own
kind.
She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and
runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too.
Many
people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question
for
us. What to do? Advice?
Thank you.


The only people that have to like the dog are its owners, and you do, bless
your hearts. Will she take a treat out of your hand? Maybe a little
training, to get her used to the idea that if she interacts with you more,
Yummy Things Will Happen.

As far as the umbrella, if she were my dog I'd open the umbrella and leave
it on the floor somewhere, in a spot where she could see it but not need to
pass real close to it. Just leave it there. Maybe put a couple treats on
the floor near it. Then let her come to terms with it.

I would also consider getting another, friendly dog of the opposite sex (but
neutered). Buttercup would enjoy the company, and would probably learn from
the new dog to relax.

She sounds as though she never got socialized to people when she was a
puppy. But even at this stage, she can become more socialized than she is,
if you take it slow and easy IMO. Hopefully you'll get a reply from one or
more of the trainers in the ng.

flick 100785

Buttercup's Dad.




  #3  
Old August 2nd 05, 03:48 PM
Handsome Jack Morrison
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"David S." wrote in
:

We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a
volunteer
rescue group.


Thanks for rescuing her, David!


We have had her for almost two years and we think she
is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took
her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her
background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and
is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She
definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of
the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off
if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat
if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the
umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when
talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard).


Not knowing her background, David, the best thing you can do now is to GO
SLOW.

Most dogs dislike change. As far as not eating or drinking out of "new"
bowls, why push it? She'll eventually do it if she has no other choice,
but why even put her through a perhaps stressful situation if you don't
have to? Try putting some "new" bowls down along with the "old" bowls,
so that she can acclimate to them SLOWLY. Initially put the food and
water into her "old" bowls, then try putting some inside the "new" bowls
after a few weeks of desensitizing her to them.

Regarding the leash, do you mean that she doesn't run off when you try to
put the "old" leash on her? Just the "new" one?

She'll also eventually eat if someone is in the room, but why force her?

Hunger and thirst have a way of dealing with things like that, provided
that *you* don't do anything to upset the applecart.

Have you looked at *your* own behavior? And the behavior of your family?
Are you generally loud and boisterous? If so, and she's not used to
being around loud and boisterous people(which she almost certainly
isn't), she might prefer to just stay to herself.

Flick gave you some good advice regarding the umbrella. GRADUALLY allow
her to get used to it, to make it associated with "good things," like
treats, etc., and not "scary things," like the rain, etc. When you do
eventually open it up, do it v-e-r-y slowly, allow it to sit somewhere
while it's still open. It won't happen overnight, but if you do this S-
L-O-W-L-Y enough, she'll eventually learn to deal with it.

In the meantime, if it rains, wear a good raincoat with a hood.


We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than
to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No
kids.



Learning to live with a dog's quirks is the hallmark of a good rescuer.
It's not necessary to change every "quirky" behavior. Take comfort in
the fact that she's generally happy, and gives you pleasure. Not every
"quirk" needs to be dealt with -- just serious ones. Ones that might
endanger her (or your) safety, etc.

And again, look at *your* own behavior in the house. Is there always a
stereo or TV blasting? Lots of loud or animated talk? Neighborhood
noises?

She may never fully come around to really enjoying your close proximity,
but there's no reason that you can't keep trying your best to be very
ATTRACTIVE to her. Always having treats at the ready, toys, etc., or
even try some gentle massage.



So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her
favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her
be?



I'd let her be. But try some of the things I mentioned above and see if
she doesn't want to spend more time with you and your wife.


She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her
own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a
tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the
little dogs too.


Frequently bringing her to be "with her own kind" is a good way of
getting her to appreciate *you* more (you bring her "good things"). But
do *you* ever do anything *with* your dog? Like train her? Throw balls
for her? Go jogging/walking with her? Take her for rides in the car
(provided she's not fearful of them)?


Many people have told us to get another dog, but
that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice?


A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a
lot here. But don't feel quilty, either, if you're circumstances don't
allow for it right now.

She's got a good home, and a couple of humans who care for her.

That's more than most dogs have.

She's a lucky gal.

And good luck!

--
Handsome Jack Morrison
*gently remove the detonator to send me e-mail

"You ask what is our aim? I can answer that in one word, victory at all
costs, victory in spite of terror, victory however long and hard the road
may be; for without victory there is no survival."
Winston Churchill
  #4  
Old August 2nd 05, 09:12 PM
Julia Altshuler
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Handsome Jack Morrison wrote:

A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a
lot here. But don't feel quilty, either,



Hey! I take exception to that.


--Lia

  #5  
Old August 3rd 05, 12:14 AM
Julia Altshuler
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Handsome Jack Morrison wrote:
On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 16:12:26 -0400, Julia Altshuler
wrote:


Handsome Jack Morrison wrote:


A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a
lot here. But don't feel *quilty*, either,



Hey! I take exception to that.



To...what?

I'm almost afraid to ask.


  #6  
Old August 3rd 05, 04:00 AM
Spot
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

David,

Considering you don't really know her back ground I'd just give it some
time. It could be she was abused at some point. An abused dog takes alot
of work to gain their trust and eventually you get there. It sounds like
you are on the right track with her and working with her quirks.

My one dog Brandy was abused by her former owner and it took me well over a
year before she would totally trust and realize that if she barked she
wasn't going to get a beating for it. The best sound I ever heard every day
was her at the back door when I got home barking for me to get that door
open so she could get out to see me. She too often stayed back out of the
way either in another room or at the edge of the current one just looking
and observing. Eventually as she got up her confidence and trust in me she
started following me around.

Good luck keep at it.

Celeste


"David S." wrote in message
...
We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a

volunteer
rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is
about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in

and
sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background.

She
is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with

other
animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like
change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down
originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on

her
to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so

forth.
She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and

get
wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no
yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to

sit
with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids.
So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be?
She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own

kind.
She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and
runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too.

Many
people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question

for
us. What to do? Advice?
Thank you.
Buttercup's Dad.




  #7  
Old August 3rd 05, 09:24 AM
Paula
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

On Tue, 2 Aug 2005 07:20:42 -0400, "David S."
wrote:

We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to sit
with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids.
So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be?
She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own kind.
She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and
runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too. Many
people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question for
us. What to do? Advice?


If being in the other room really bugs you, then by all means you can
take steps to try to get her to be more comfortable hanging out with
you. I think it is really great that you don't want to get rid of her
even if any efforts in that direction don't work out because that is
important to the dog and you might not be able to change it. If you
want to try, go slowly and very laid back. For example, you could
close the doors to her favorite hiding rooms, but leave an area that
is near you but not right with you open to her so she can get used to
be closer to you without being pushed completely out of her comfort
zone. Be very low key while you do it. Don't make any fuss as she
doesn't seem to react well to that. Just do your thing, maybe have
some good liver treats nearby and act like you don't even notice
whether she is in the room or not. At pet stores, you can get some
stuff called Kong stuffing that is liver flavored that my dogs cannot
resist. They love liver treats, too. Apparently stinky equals yummy
to dogs. Anyway, you could make a trail from a hallway to the room
you are in with liver stuff and see if she follows it toward you.
Just remember to be totally low key about whether she does or doesn't.
She needs to know that whatever her choice, you will be cool with it
and won't call attention to the fact that her old routine is changing.

It sounds like she does love other dogs. If you think it might help
her, you can foster a dog from a rescue agency to see how it works
without having to commit to the dog. If she gets better, but then you
have two dogs who play with each other and completely ignore you or if
another dog actually makes things worse for your current dog, you can
always stop fostering. If it works out great, you can ask the rescue
about adopting your foster. If the concept seems good but the dog
doesn't work, you can ask to foster a different dog instead. It's a
great way to experiment without being stuck with permanent
consequences. Plus, you are helping out another dog in need, even a
week or two of fostering helps tremendously.

Good luck with your dog and let us know how things go. I hope that
she relaxes over time. Oh, another thing you can do is talk to a vet.
Sometimes anxiety can be chemical in dogs, just like it can be in
humans and medication might help if that is the case with your dog.

--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay
  #8  
Old August 3rd 05, 12:20 PM
David S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Hi Flick:

A couple things I failed to put in the original post. One, no she will
not take food out of our hand. As a matter of fact she is even more quirky
than that. One day I put a hamburger on a sandwich plate next to her bowl
and left the room for about fifteen minutes (she will not eat or drink with
someone in the room, another quirk). When I went back in the hamburger was
still there and she was just standing there looking at it with a pretty
pathetic look on her face. I then dumped the hamburger in her bowl and left
the room with the sandwich plate. I could hear her eat up the hamburger
right away. How does one explain that one?!
Another dog is out of the question for us, if for no other reason than
my wife says no. She is retired, this was supposed to be her dog by the
way, and she is the one that would have to contend with the two dogs,
walking, etc. I have to defer to her wishes on this. I will, however, try
leaving the umbrella around so she gets used to seeing it. After awhile I
will try to take it on walks, but not opened. We will see how that works.
Up to now I have survived with a hooded waterproof jacket and a big towel in
the garage to clean up the dog before going back in the house.
Thank you for your input.
David


"flick" wrote in message
...
"David S." wrote in message
...
We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a
volunteer
rescue group. We have had her for almost two years and we think she is
about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took her in
and
sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her background.
She
is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and is very good with
other
animals. She does have quirks, however. She definitely does not like
change. She will only eat and drink out of the bowls that we put down
originally when we got her. She runs off if I try to put a new leash on
her
to go for a walk. She will not eat if someone is in the room, and so
forth.
She is afraid of the umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and
get
wet when talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no
yard). We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than to
sit
with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No kids.
So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her be?
She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her own
kind.
She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a tom-boy and
runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the little dogs too.
Many
people have told us to get another dog, but that is out of the question
for
us. What to do? Advice?
Thank you.


The only people that have to like the dog are its owners, and you do,

bless
your hearts. Will she take a treat out of your hand? Maybe a little
training, to get her used to the idea that if she interacts with you more,
Yummy Things Will Happen.

As far as the umbrella, if she were my dog I'd open the umbrella and leave
it on the floor somewhere, in a spot where she could see it but not need

to
pass real close to it. Just leave it there. Maybe put a couple treats on
the floor near it. Then let her come to terms with it.

I would also consider getting another, friendly dog of the opposite sex

(but
neutered). Buttercup would enjoy the company, and would probably learn

from
the new dog to relax.

She sounds as though she never got socialized to people when she was a
puppy. But even at this stage, she can become more socialized than she

is,
if you take it slow and easy IMO. Hopefully you'll get a reply from one

or
more of the trainers in the ng.

flick 100785

Buttercup's Dad.






  #9  
Old August 3rd 05, 12:40 PM
David S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I could not believe it, but my neighbors on both sides have dogs that were
rescues. There are also several people that I have met out walking whose
dogs were rescues. At the local Pets Mart I met a guy who has three
greyhounds that he got from that rescue group. So that seems to be pretty
popular around here.

On the leash, yes, she is okay with the original leash (she loves to go
outside), but she shys away from anything different. She is very sensitive
to change. We have been trying to take it slow with her. I do not want to
frighten her any more than what she already is (my grandson is the only one
that makes noise and runs around and the like, but he is only there once or
twice a month for a visit). We have had her almost two years now, and she
is much better than what she was at first, but the odd behaviors still
continue. The hiding out in the house is what bothers me the most.

As to the umbrella, yes I have a nice hooded rainproof jacket that keeps me
kind of dry. Buttercup does not seem to care about the rain. Come to think
of it, for a dog that is so shy and timid she is not afraid of the thunder
or lightning (thank God). That seems kind of odd in and of itself, doesn't
it? Maybe running free she just got used to it. Who knows?

Thank you.
David S.


"Handsome Jack Morrison"
wrote in message ...
"David S." wrote in
:

We have a female dog, a mix weighing 58 lbs., that came from a
volunteer
rescue group.


Thanks for rescuing her, David!


We have had her for almost two years and we think she
is about five years old. The dog was running free when someone took
her in and sent her to the rescue group, so we really do not know her
background. She is very submissive, gentle, does not bark much, and
is very good with other animals. She does have quirks, however. She
definitely does not like change. She will only eat and drink out of
the bowls that we put down originally when we got her. She runs off
if I try to put a new leash on her to go for a walk. She will not eat
if someone is in the room, and so forth. She is afraid of the
umbrella, so if it is raining I have to go out and get wet when
talking her for a bathroom trip (we live in a town house, so no yard).


Not knowing her background, David, the best thing you can do now is to GO
SLOW.

Most dogs dislike change. As far as not eating or drinking out of "new"
bowls, why push it? She'll eventually do it if she has no other choice,
but why even put her through a perhaps stressful situation if you don't
have to? Try putting some "new" bowls down along with the "old" bowls,
so that she can acclimate to them SLOWLY. Initially put the food and
water into her "old" bowls, then try putting some inside the "new" bowls
after a few weeks of desensitizing her to them.

Regarding the leash, do you mean that she doesn't run off when you try to
put the "old" leash on her? Just the "new" one?

She'll also eventually eat if someone is in the room, but why force her?

Hunger and thirst have a way of dealing with things like that, provided
that *you* don't do anything to upset the applecart.

Have you looked at *your* own behavior? And the behavior of your family?
Are you generally loud and boisterous? If so, and she's not used to
being around loud and boisterous people(which she almost certainly
isn't), she might prefer to just stay to herself.

Flick gave you some good advice regarding the umbrella. GRADUALLY allow
her to get used to it, to make it associated with "good things," like
treats, etc., and not "scary things," like the rain, etc. When you do
eventually open it up, do it v-e-r-y slowly, allow it to sit somewhere
while it's still open. It won't happen overnight, but if you do this S-
L-O-W-L-Y enough, she'll eventually learn to deal with it.

In the meantime, if it rains, wear a good raincoat with a hood.


We have learned to live with the quirks, but the one thing that
bothers me is that she prefers to stay alone in the house rather than
to sit with us in the family room. It is just my wife and myself. No
kids.



Learning to live with a dog's quirks is the hallmark of a good rescuer.
It's not necessary to change every "quirky" behavior. Take comfort in
the fact that she's generally happy, and gives you pleasure. Not every
"quirk" needs to be dealt with -- just serious ones. Ones that might
endanger her (or your) safety, etc.

And again, look at *your* own behavior in the house. Is there always a
stereo or TV blasting? Lots of loud or animated talk? Neighborhood
noises?

She may never fully come around to really enjoying your close proximity,
but there's no reason that you can't keep trying your best to be very
ATTRACTIVE to her. Always having treats at the ready, toys, etc., or
even try some gentle massage.



So, should I close doors and the like to keep her from her
favorite
hiding spots and to make her be in the room with us, or just let her
be?



I'd let her be. But try some of the things I mentioned above and see if
she doesn't want to spend more time with you and your wife.


She is a sweet dog, but I can tell that she prefers to be with her
own kind. She is a different dog when we go to the dog park. She is a
tom-boy and runs/wrestles with the big dogs, but is good with the
little dogs too.


Frequently bringing her to be "with her own kind" is a good way of
getting her to appreciate *you* more (you bring her "good things"). But
do *you* ever do anything *with* your dog? Like train her? Throw balls
for her? Go jogging/walking with her? Take her for rides in the car
(provided she's not fearful of them)?


Many people have told us to get another dog, but
that is out of the question for us. What to do? Advice?


A second dog, provided it was the "right" one, would probably help out a
lot here. But don't feel quilty, either, if you're circumstances don't
allow for it right now.

She's got a good home, and a couple of humans who care for her.

That's more than most dogs have.

She's a lucky gal.

And good luck!

--
Handsome Jack Morrison
*gently remove the detonator to send me e-mail

"You ask what is our aim? I can answer that in one word, victory at all
costs, victory in spite of terror, victory however long and hard the road
may be; for without victory there is no survival."
Winston Churchill



  #10  
Old August 3rd 05, 12:42 PM
Melinda Shore
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

In article ,
David S. wrote:
A couple things I failed to put in the original post. One, no she will
not take food out of our hand.


Some extremely submissive or worried dogs will not take food
from anybody/anything or eat in front of other critters -
they're trying to avoid provoking another dog's ire and
often they're simply not sure what's okay and what's not.
I've found that consistency and patience are the key to
moving forward. Also, making sure that the dog has a safe
space that she knws is hers and hers alone. Have you
thought about feeding in the crate? I have a bunch of dogs
and I've found that sometimes things as simple as moving the
food bowl so that she's facing away from the other dogs when
she eats can make the difference between a dog that will eat
in the same room as other dogs and a dog that won't.
--
Melinda Shore - Software longa, hardware brevis -

Let's start racial profiling tax cheaters.
 




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