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custody battles



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 2nd 05, 07:34 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

has anyone here been divorced or split up and had to deal with dog custody
issues? my husband and i are splitting up, and he's keeping Lola (my heart
dog). the idea of not seeing here anymore is devastating me, and i'm sure
will hurt her too. we're currently living in the same house in separate
rooms, and Lola refuses to sleep with him, but instead sleeps in my bed or
outside my door until i let her in.
i'm so worried about her. i'm sure she'll get over me, but will i get over
her? my soon to be ex says he's not comfortable seeing me after the
divorce, so he doesn't want me to see Lola either. anyone been through this
before? any suggestions on how to deal with this?

also, will the dogs miss each other terribly? would getting a second dog
help Manu, or should i just keep him as an only dog for a while? finding a
dog that would be submissive enough not to provoke him, but still play rough
enough to play with him might be difficult...

-kelly


  #2  
Old December 2nd 05, 07:42 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

On Fri, 2 Dec 2005 10:34:26 -0800, "culprit"
wrote:

has anyone here been divorced or split up and had to deal with dog custody
issues? my husband and i are splitting up, and he's keeping Lola (my heart
dog). the idea of not seeing here anymore is devastating me, and i'm sure
will hurt her too. we're currently living in the same house in separate
rooms, and Lola refuses to sleep with him, but instead sleeps in my bed or
outside my door until i let her in.
i'm so worried about her. i'm sure she'll get over me, but will i get over
her? my soon to be ex says he's not comfortable seeing me after the
divorce, so he doesn't want me to see Lola either. anyone been through this
before? any suggestions on how to deal with this?


If Lola sleeps with you and waits for you, why is he keeping her? I
haven't been through this and have no suggestions, but I can't tell
you how sorry I am that you're going through this.

also, will the dogs miss each other terribly? would getting a second dog
help Manu, or should i just keep him as an only dog for a while? finding a
dog that would be submissive enough not to provoke him, but still play rough
enough to play with him might be difficult...


I'd keep him as an only. There will be an adjustment period for both
of you, best not to add a dog during that time. And maybe Lola will
pine for you and your future ex will get so tired of it that he gives
her to you.

Mustang Sally


  #3  
Old December 2nd 05, 07:47 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles


"sighthounds & siberians" wrote in message
...

If Lola sleeps with you and waits for you, why is he keeping her? I
haven't been through this and have no suggestions, but I can't tell
you how sorry I am that you're going through this.


because he's vindictive and angry, and i'm initiatiating the divorce.
technically Lola is his dog (he paid the fee at the shelter and his name is
on the paperwork, this is before we were married). and he doesn't like
Manu. plus, i think he'd be even more devistated than he already is if he
didn't have her around. she'll be lovey to him in a pinch (if i'm not
around). and she's adorable and will help an incredibly shy guy meet women.
:-)


I'd keep him as an only. There will be an adjustment period for both
of you, best not to add a dog during that time. And maybe Lola will
pine for you and your future ex will get so tired of it that he gives
her to you.


that's possible... i do have a new job coming up which will involve some
travel, so we'll have to see how things work out with Manu and my schedule
anyway. a second dog may not even be possible with the travel.

thanks for your thoughts.

-kelly


  #4  
Old December 2nd 05, 07:57 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

On Fri, 2 Dec 2005 10:47:49 -0800, "culprit"
wrote:

because he's vindictive and angry, and i'm initiatiating the divorce.
technically Lola is his dog (he paid the fee at the shelter and his name is
on the paperwork, this is before we were married). and he doesn't like
Manu. plus, i think he'd be even more devistated than he already is if he
didn't have her around. she'll be lovey to him in a pinch (if i'm not
around). and she's adorable and will help an incredibly shy guy meet women.
:-)


Heh. I guess those are good reasons, or some of them are anyway.
Truthfully, Lola will probably get over you more quickly than you'll
get over her. Dogs are incredibly resilient. It sucks though that
you won't be able to see her.

Best wishes.

Mustang Sally


  #5  
Old December 2nd 05, 08:12 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

on 2005-12-02 at 10:34 wrote:

has anyone here been divorced or split up and had to deal
with dog custody issues? my husband and i are splitting up,


what a huge bucket of suck! i'm so sorry!

and he's keeping Lola (my heart dog). the idea of not seeing
here anymore is devastating me, and i'm sure will hurt her
too. we're currently living in the same house in separate
rooms, and Lola refuses to sleep with him, but instead sleeps
in my bed or outside my door until i let her in.


i would have a very difficult time with that. just the
thought of someone having the power to take my dog away from
me makes me ill. i am *so* sorry.

i'm so worried about her. i'm sure she'll get over me, but
will i get over her? my soon to be ex says he's not
comfortable seeing me after the divorce, so he doesn't want
me to see Lola either. anyone been through this before?
any suggestions on how to deal with this?


none whatsoever, except to hope that he soon comes to his
senses. if he doesn't, i expect the separation will be harder
on you than on Lola. i think dogs are much more adaptive than
humans, when it comes to this sort of thing. she'll certainly
miss you, but i'm sure she'll soon adjust to not having you
around.

it's not going to be easy for you, though. having Manu around
will help, but he's obviously not Lola.

also, will the dogs miss each other terribly? would getting
a second dog help Manu, or should i just keep him as an only
dog for a while? finding a dog that would be submissive
enough not to provoke him, but still play rough enough to
play with him might be difficult...


Manu will probably miss Lola for awhile, and it may take him
time to adjust to the new living arrangements, but i advise
you to wait and see before getting another dog. first of all,
your ex may suddenly decide that being a single dog owner is
not for him, in which case, you'd have to figure out what to
do with three dogs. second, after an adjustment period, you
and Manu may find out that you enjoy having a single dog
household. i'm having second thoughts about adding another
dog to my home, because, although harriet mourned terribly for
elliott, when she snapped out of it, she blossomed into a
completely new dog.

--
shelly http://www.cat-sidh.net
http://cat-sidh.blogspot.com/
  #6  
Old December 2nd 05, 08:35 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

"culprit" said in rec.pets.dogs.behavior:

First, I'm sorry to hear about this.

has anyone here been divorced or split up and had to deal
with dog custody issues?


Yup. When my wife and I divorced, I flew to a new city where a
good job opportunity came up and spent a weekend apartment
hunting. I returned to find that I was keeping the dog (I had
assumed that Murphy would stay with the kids). So it was a
wasted trip, but I was happy with the outcome.

my husband and i are splitting
up, and he's keeping Lola (my heart dog). the idea of not
seeing here anymore is devastating me, and i'm sure will
hurt her too. we're currently living in the same house in
separate rooms, and Lola refuses to sleep with him, but
instead sleeps in my bed or outside my door until i let her
in. i'm so worried about her.


My separation and divorce was amicable - it sounds like yours is
too, what with both of you still living in the same house.
Still, is your husband keeping Lola perversely?

i'm sure she'll get over me,
but will i get over her? my soon to be ex says he's not
comfortable seeing me after the divorce, so he doesn't want
me to see Lola either. anyone been through this before?
any suggestions on how to deal with this?


Keep it friendly. Your husband may come to realise that Lola
should be with you - it would be a shame if obstinacy stood in
the way.

also, will the dogs miss each other terribly?


For a while. Dogs are very resilient, though. Good luck.

--
--Matt. Rocky's a Dog.
  #7  
Old December 2nd 05, 10:56 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

On Fri, 2 Dec 2005 10:34:26 -0800, "culprit"
wrote:

has anyone here been divorced or split up and had to deal with dog custody
issues?


My ex doesn't like having pets around so there were no dog custody
issues. When it came to kids, he was more apt to fight. However,
during our separation period he realized that he really didn't want to
deal with two young children and childcare arrangements and all those
things that I had handled and backed off. He also realized that I
would do whatever it took to get custody. He wanted other things out
of the divorce and we worked it out that way. You may find that your
ex also backs off once he realizes what it is really like to have Lola
by himself, especially if she spends some time moping and pining.
She'll most likely get over it, but maybe he'll get sick of it before
she gets over it. If there are other things at issue, maybe you could
trade some of them for Lola.


--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay
  #8  
Old December 2nd 05, 11:31 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

On Fri, 2 Dec 2005 10:34:26 -0800, "culprit"
wrote:

has anyone here been divorced or split up and had to deal with dog custody
issues?


Fortunately not, but I feel for you here - sorry to hear about this.
All of the pets here, for better or for worse, are in my name, so
legality would not be an issue. DH doesn't have time to care for pets
either, but loves having them. He's wise enough to realize that, and
that they are fully "mine" with some minor help from him (weekend
breakfasts, cat bedtime feeding on some nights). Of course, he is the
primary finanical provider for them, so that could be a challenge if
he was pissy in a nasty divorce I suppose. I'm counting on none of
this ever being an issue, but I guess one never knows. We hit 25 next
May, so just over 5 months to go!


--
Janet B
www.bestfriendsdogobedience.com
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/bestfr...bedience/album
  #9  
Old December 3rd 05, 02:40 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

im so sorry your going through this.
i would fight back by making clear to him his obligations in keeping the
dog and the financial commitment he has got to make.

the men that have been in my life this would have worked on.

  #10  
Old December 4th 05, 07:05 PM posted to rec.pets.dogs.behavior
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Default custody battles

Don't have anything helpful to add, just that my heart goes out to you,
and I hope you can work it all out.f
--
Debbie the Dogged das at spamcop dot net
"Poodles are space aliens who think they've disguised
themselves as dogs." - Paghat the Ratgirl
 




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