Wondering if anyone has some advice... My wife is not altogether
psychologically...
We have a 3 mos. old poodle. I'm doing great training him so far (I
think...) House training
is touch and go but he can come, sit and stay... and is begining to
have a sense of the rules of the house... however.... one firm rule
I'm trying to teach him is that the kitchen is NO GO... He
understands this when I'm home alone... and learned it merely through
the use of the words NO, STAY and GOOD BOY. (Its a very small
kitchen... and its no fun trying to cook while having to avoid
tripping over a small puppy... not mention other accidents waiting to
happen.) -- In the case that I'm home he obediently sits in front of
the entrance and watches me but doesn't go in.
Problem is... everytime I walk past the kitchen, he's in there with my
wife. Tonight she was even letting him play chase the rag. I told
her to tell him NO and get him out immediately and she just gigled and
said, "No! No!" and let him chase the rag and everytime I took him out
continued to bait him with chase the rag and say "no!" while gigling.
Finally I picked him up and said no... but I realized it was futile,
because the message is that I don't want him in the kitchen... but its
o.k. when my wife is in there.... So he went running back in... It
happened several times, so finally I grabbed him by the scruff... he
yelped and went running to the other side of the house and sat in the
corner... and has stayed far from the kitchen since tonight.
(Actually my wife seems to be playing a game that by winning his
affection, for example by never disciplining him and feeding him
treats from the table she can win his favor... Then if I have to
discipline him, she comforts him.)

What I'm wondering though is how to handle this problem...
Theoretically speaking I think my wife needs to get the scruffing, but
I'm not that type of alpha male... still... (Does anybody else have
similar problems and ways of dealing with it?)

I also wonder about scruffing - - The message if anything I'm trying
to get out is the kitchen is not a fun and enjoyable place and bad
things happen in there. (With my wife's tendency to leave electrical
and extension chords dangling I think its a good lesson.) - -
anyway, after I did it I asked him to do a trick, praised him
vigorously, gave him a treat and we played.) Do you think this is
too severe though???

In article . com,
wrote:


(Actually my wife seems to be playing a game that by winning his
affection, for example by never disciplining him and feeding him
treats from the table she can win his favor... Then if I have to
discipline him, she comforts him.)

This is typical of many "dog problems" - they are actually PEOPLE
problems. This is an issue between your and your wife, not a dog
behavior problem.

When you say your wife is not all together in the psych department, is
she actually mentally ill? If so, you really have to pick your battles
and understand your wife. Consult with a psychiatrist, not a dog
behavior group.

--
Janet Boss
www.bestfriendsdogobedience.com

On Aug 21, 7:18 am, Janet Boss
wrote:
In article . com,

wrote:

(Actually my wife seems to be playing a game that by winning his
affection, for example by never disciplining him and feeding him
treats from the table she can win his favor... Then if I have to
discipline him, she comforts him.)

This is typical of many "dog problems" - they are actually PEOPLE
problems. This is an issue between your and your wife, not a dog
behavior problem.

When you say your wife is not all together in the psych department, is
she actually mentally ill? If so, you really have to pick your battles
and understand your wife. Consult with a psychiatrist, not a dog
behavior group.

--
Janet Bosswww.bestfriendsdogobedience.com

Janet is right. It's not a problem with the dog, it's a problem
between you and your wife. Gee it's sounds like she has a lot of
faults.
Was getting the dog a mutual decision? Is she involved in the
training?

It sounds to me like you're very controlling and not letting her any
space.

Think about it. Maybe you're not as nice to her as you are to the dog.
Have a great day!

Linda

It sounds to me like you're very controlling and not letting her any
space.

I think that's a little rude... Maybe you might want to get some
manner training - - and before you make comments like that have a
better understanding of the situation or learn how to state it as if
you had a social rearing in a human environment... Are you
suggesting its normal dog rearing tactics to feed the dog from the
table... leave medicine boxes on the floor in puppy proofed playing
areas and allow a dog in a room with an extension chord hanging from a
slow cooker and another extension chord.

The decision to get the dog was my wife's not mine... I wanted one...
but there's a difference between wanting a dog and the circumstances
being right... That said, I am happy we have the dog... Yes it is a
therapy issue... but in the meantime my question is how to raise a
dog in a sitaution where a member of the family isn't participating in
the therapy. (My wife does have a diagnosed problem.)

wrote:

Are you
suggesting its normal dog rearing tactics to feed the dog from the
table...

Some folks do, in fact. My aunt's dog has been fed from the table
by my grandma to the extent that she--the dog--thinks it's okay to
put her front feet on the table. My grandma is a lot of things, but
she isn't "bad" or "not altogether psychologically" (whatever that
means).

leave medicine boxes on the floor in puppy proofed playing
areas

Maybe your wife would benefit from a live-in caretaker? Someone
besides you, I mean, as you are clearly incapable of the job.
Really, if she's mentally disabled to the extent that she endangers
the life of your dog, then it may be time to get help, or to at
least rehome the dog.

and allow a dog in a room with an extension chord hanging from a
slow cooker and another extension chord.

Maybe you should be doing the cooking, instead of your wife?

The decision to get the dog was my wife's not mine...

Again, if she is the sort of danger to others that you are
describing, why is she allowed to make the decision to get a dog?

but in the meantime my question is how to raise a
dog in a sitaution where a member of the family isn't participating in
the therapy. (My wife does have a diagnosed problem.)

You don't. If your wife is endangering the dog's life, then the dog
should be separated from her, at least until your wife's behavior is
under control.

--
Shelly
http://www.cat-sidh.net (the Mother Ship)
http://esther.cat-sidh.net (Letters to Esther)

Janet, My wife is not participating in the training... and will only
play with him...
I am sure this is a common problem in many households...
I remember I used to visit my friend's houses and to their horror feed
the
dog from the table (often more than I ate.)
My worry is for the dog's safety PERIOD...
The only rules I have in the house that doors to rooms the dog
shouldn't be in are kept shut...
NOTHING is left on the floor in the puppy's play area (unless its
meant to be chewed on and/or possible digested.)
No feeding the dog from the table.
Do not allow the dog to jump on the table or sit on your lap while
eating.
(All of these rules are routinely broken!)

I don't think any of these rules are extreme...

On Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:48:07 -0000, wrote:

[...]
What I'm wondering though is how to handle this problem...

Go he

http://www.counsel-search.com/

You'll find all the help you need!

If somehow that doesn't work out for you, go he

http://www.abanet.org/family/

Good luck!

--
Handsome Jack Morrison

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"Reality-based" writer blames Vick's friends, not Vick:
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http://www.tcsdaily.com/article.aspx?id=080607B

spoke these words of wisdom in news:1187704319.279652.32960
@m37g2000prh.googlegroups.com:

Janet, My wife is not participating in the training... and will only
play with him...
I am sure this is a common problem in many households...
I remember I used to visit my friend's houses and to their horror feed
the
dog from the table (often more than I ate.)
My worry is for the dog's safety PERIOD...
The only rules I have in the house that doors to rooms the dog
shouldn't be in are kept shut...
NOTHING is left on the floor in the puppy's play area (unless its
meant to be chewed on and/or possible digested.)
No feeding the dog from the table.
Do not allow the dog to jump on the table or sit on your lap while
eating.
(All of these rules are routinely broken!)

I don't think any of these rules are extreme...



Nope. I don't have a problem with your goals, but I really don't know how to
deal with difficult spouses.
i think you seem to have grounded objectives and wonderful patience, as`\
well as being a good supportive husband in a stressed situation. Good Luck

On Aug 21, 10:42 pm, Shelly wrote:

Look my wife just leaves things laying around and doesn't enforce
rules... Fortunately I'm home all the time so its just a burden to
me... When I say life threatening I don't mean that she's "crazy", but
rather does have a diagnosed problem... I'm using "not altogether" as
a generic description... not a personal attack... There is a
diagnosis, but its personal and besides the point. - - The key
issue though is that I am taking responsibility for taking care of the
dog, so I don't think my efforts should be sabotaged... especially
because my interests are RAISING the dog... not simply getting its
attention by any means necessary.

My key issue: (as an example)
if the vet and breeder say don't feed the dog human food... and
someone feeds the dog human food... its not the end of the world, but
if the advice of one professional after another is ignored, you can't
blame them if there are problems later on. -- A good example is that
my dog was refusing to eat his dog food since better cuisine was
available. Finally, I managed to have the breeder lecture my wife
on the topic and was able to get her to agree to stop... He went on a
half day hunger strike, and now eats his overpriced holistic dog food
religiously.
- - The point: the breeder, trainer, vet, whoever can give me all the
advice I want. I can't blame the dog for jumping up on the table or
coming to me with my best shirt in its mouth because it is allowed
to... On the other hand, how can I train him not to if someone allows
it? - - Likewise, I should clarify that I live in a Japanese house...
the table is like a foot from the ground... jumping up on the table in
about 6 months from now will literally mean JUMPING UP ON THE
TABLE... and I know my wife WON'T like that... and suddenly "my" dog
will be "bad"...

I can't see how anyone would allow puppies access to extension chords
though... My puppy atleast loves things that are long, rope like and
chewy... I've found out, however, that if he's in the room for an
object for a few days and is NOT able to chew on it, he doesn't... but
if he's able to chew it right away, its hard to stop him. - - It
seems to me (and I'm not expert on training dogs) that precedence is a
big issue in training a dog. For example, he never tries to go in the
toilet or shower room... that's because he's never been let in there,
period... So even if the door is open he usually won't go in.
However, he's had access to the back rooms, so will dart in and out of
there (even leave a quick poo) if I'm not alert... So this is a
concern of mine: every time precedence is set, it seems asking for
behavior problems later on... and how do you explain to a dog, "Well,
I let you poo there a few times, but now actually you can't go or poo
there... " answer: you can't EXPLAIN it...

Anyway, the frustrating thing is that (in the case of the kitchen) he
actually knows not to go in when I'm around... and there's so much he
knows... so I feel like I'm doing some things right...

I will say one thing... My wife through a temper tantrum today... She
can't get him to sit or give her his paw... I explained 30 times that
its "come", "sit", "stay" "shake" not "o.k. I want you to sit will
you... o.k. will you.... are you going to... no don't do that... why
won't you sit... don't do that..." I think she learned a positive
lesson because finally when she did say SIT he sat... - - The key
issue though is he IS a GOOD PUP... but he also knows that he can do
whatever he wants when my wife is around. - - One other example:
When we're home alone and I'm eating he sits by my side and plays with
his chewy things... he might beg a bit, but not so bad. But if my
wife's at the table he goes bonkers actually trying to nip at my hand
while I'm eating thinking that it will dispense the same amount of
food that hers does... he'll be jumping up and down, barking (which
he's just learning to do)... Yesterday he even took a running leap for
the table... again... I can't wait for 6 months from now...

Well you need to train your wife!

Training tip: Hold your credit card up in the air so she can see it. Then
she will do anything to get at that card! :-)

Seriously, the secret to teaching kids and animals is that both "parents"
need to be in sync. with the rules.

I don't see how you can possibly train the dog if your wife is not enforcing
the rules.