[Someone sent me this and I got a much-needed laugh out of it, so I
thought I'd share. Apologies if this has already been through here and
I missed it.]

NEW RULES FOR THE DOG - AND US DOG LOVERS

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog
house.

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if
her own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided
her dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined
to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog
house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever she pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the
old furniture and then we'll sell the works and buy new furniture...upon
which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but she's not allowed under
the covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with her head on
the pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with her head
on the pillow, but if she snores she's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but
she's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm
now sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary
resident," even if it's true.
--
Kevin Michael Vail | Dogbert: That's circular reasoning.
| Dilbert: I prefer to think of it as no loose ends.
http://www.vaildc.net/kevin/