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[OT] (WAAAY off-topic): California election
I rarely start threads and don't think I've ever started
an off-topic one--but I know there's been some interest here in the California recall election and thought some of you might be amused by the following. The voter's pamphlet for the recall election came the other day and I found myself screaming with laughter as I read it. All that was required to get on this ballot was 65 signatures and $3500--and 150 people did. Some were obviously running as a joke, but with an awful lot of them I couldn't tell if they were serious or not. Here are some of the choicest quotes from the candidate statements. I'm going to *try* to refrain from comment, but I just couldn't help myself in a few cases. In most cases, I'm not going to give you the candidates' names since you wouldn't recognize them anyway. And I'm afraid you'll not find anything from the Terminator in here--he didn't submit a statement. Neither did Leo Gallagher (better known as the comedian "Gallagher"), Don Novello (aka Father Guido Sarducci), Gary Coleman (you remember, the cute little kid from "Diff'rent Strokes"), nor did Mary Carey, the adult film star. Bummer, hum? Don't worry, there were still lots of others to choose from. Also, I'd just like to say that I tried hard to make sure that the typos below are the candidates' and not my own. -------------------------------------------- God Bless You and God bless California! As John F. Kennedy said, ask not what the state can do, but what you can do for the state. My Childhood Hero!! --- "Atlas Shrugged," America's second most influential book, was written by an immigrant to California who predicted our current mess and offered an inspiring solution. --- I am running for Governor because I do not want an ultra-conservative person to be elected. --- [One candidate proposed resolving California's budgetary problems with]: .... equal father and mother involvement [for children]; universal prenatal care; more male teachers; boy-friendly schools; a men's birth control pill; communication skills; female empowerment rather than victim power. --- I can do a better job at balancing the budget than those pinhead bureaucrats in Sacramento. I have a simple idea of how to eliminate the deficit without increasing anyone's taxes or cutting funding for any programs--and that is to expand California gaming to include slot machines for all private clubs. [From the statement of Larry Flynt, publisher of Hustler magazine] --- With my skills as a filmmaker and arts administrator, I will work to return common sense to California government. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- Single adults are the Rodney Dangerfields of our society. They "can't get no respect." I am the first candidate in California history to campaign on a *Fairness for Singles* platform. --- Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling and prostitution so that they may be taxed and regulated, the funds derived would subsidize the deficit, education, and the environment. I believe in peaceful solutions backed by a strong military; I don't care who you marry or have sex with. --- We should teach basic criminal penalties and yoga in our schools. --- You know the wonderful world that exists in television comedies--a world where, no matter what problems arise or conflicts exist, people work together to overcome any obstacle and, maybe, learn a little something? Wouldn't you like California to be like that? It can be if you elect Bill Prady to be the next governor of our great state. Bill Prady is an award-winning television comedy writer and producer who will bring the skills he's learned from creating sitcom episodes to Sacramento. If elected, he pledges to solve all the state's problems in twenty-two minutes and forty-four seconds with two commercial breaks and a hug at the end. After all this turmoil, isn't this just what California needs? --- *It's still the economy stupid!* [Huh?] --- Bankruptcy--use the courts to break up special interest groups & restore fiscal responsibility. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- There is no other candidate. I am the one. [I think he must've watched "The Matrix" a few times too often.] --- My 37 years of experience founding and managing a business that exports American-made buses to Mexico, has thoroughly educated me in the *economic realities* necessary to *restore California's fiscal health.* --- I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- As the leading middleweight of the 2003 California State Sumo Series and a serious, well-educated, nonpartisan candidate for governor, I will attack the 800-lb. gorilla of big government from every angle and fight determinedly to restore California to a state where all citizens and legal residents can be proud to live. --- I am a grocer who, with his family, specializes in selling cigarettes to adults who make their own decisions. Customers tell me they want no new taxes, no stupid new laws, and for someone to step up to get the work of government done... My sense of urgency comes from having customers to serve and bills to pay. --- As a marketing architect, I turned "Wheel of Fortune," "Jeopardy!" and "Oprah Winfrey" into household names. My vast marketing experience will help win new business to California. --- I will not prosecute any victimless crimes. [Note: for those who aren't aware of it, the governor doesn't prosecute any crimes.] --- May the Lord give you the wisdom of Solomon as you vote. I pray that the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God will guide me in all decisions, especially in selecting the best and brightest trusted servants to resolve the budget crisis and heal our land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 --- Earthquakes and special interests threaten California every day. -------------------------------------------- Dianne |
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"dianne marie schoenberg" wrote in message ... I rarely start threads and don't think I've ever started an off-topic one--but I know there's been some interest here in the California recall election and thought some of you might be amused by the following. The voter's pamphlet for the recall election came the other day and I found myself screaming with laughter as I read it. All that was required to get on this ballot was 65 signatures and $3500--and 150 people did. Some were obviously running as a joke, but with an awful lot of them I couldn't tell if they were serious or not. Here are some of the choicest quotes from the candidate statements. I'm going to *try* to refrain from comment, but I just couldn't help myself in a few cases. snipped a bunch --- I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] laughing, really hard by now... --- Earthquakes and special interests threaten California every day. I'm guessing they mean special interest groups? Either way, funny stuff. Thanks Dianne! Shelly (printing this stuff out for DH, he'll get a good laugh) & The Boys |
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"dianne marie schoenberg" wrote in message ... I rarely start threads and don't think I've ever started an off-topic one--but I know there's been some interest here in the California recall election and thought some of you might be amused by the following. The voter's pamphlet for the recall election came the other day and I found myself screaming with laughter as I read it. All that was required to get on this ballot was 65 signatures and $3500--and 150 people did. Some were obviously running as a joke, but with an awful lot of them I couldn't tell if they were serious or not. Here are some of the choicest quotes from the candidate statements. I'm going to *try* to refrain from comment, but I just couldn't help myself in a few cases. snipped a bunch --- I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] laughing, really hard by now... --- Earthquakes and special interests threaten California every day. I'm guessing they mean special interest groups? Either way, funny stuff. Thanks Dianne! Shelly (printing this stuff out for DH, he'll get a good laugh) & The Boys |
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"Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the
Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling and prostitution so that they may be taxed and regulated, the funds derived would subsidize the deficit, education, and the environment. I believe in peaceful solutions backed by a strong military; I don't care who you marry or have sex with." vote for that guy, whoever he/she is dianne marie schoenberg wrote: I rarely start threads and don't think I've ever started an off-topic one--but I know there's been some interest here in the California recall election and thought some of you might be amused by the following. The voter's pamphlet for the recall election came the other day and I found myself screaming with laughter as I read it. All that was required to get on this ballot was 65 signatures and $3500--and 150 people did. Some were obviously running as a joke, but with an awful lot of them I couldn't tell if they were serious or not. Here are some of the choicest quotes from the candidate statements. I'm going to *try* to refrain from comment, but I just couldn't help myself in a few cases. In most cases, I'm not going to give you the candidates' names since you wouldn't recognize them anyway. And I'm afraid you'll not find anything from the Terminator in here--he didn't submit a statement. Neither did Leo Gallagher (better known as the comedian "Gallagher"), Don Novello (aka Father Guido Sarducci), Gary Coleman (you remember, the cute little kid from "Diff'rent Strokes"), nor did Mary Carey, the adult film star. Bummer, hum? Don't worry, there were still lots of others to choose from. Also, I'd just like to say that I tried hard to make sure that the typos below are the candidates' and not my own. -------------------------------------------- God Bless You and God bless California! As John F. Kennedy said, ask not what the state can do, but what you can do for the state. My Childhood Hero!! --- "Atlas Shrugged," America's second most influential book, was written by an immigrant to California who predicted our current mess and offered an inspiring solution. --- I am running for Governor because I do not want an ultra-conservative person to be elected. --- [One candidate proposed resolving California's budgetary problems with]: ... equal father and mother involvement [for children]; universal prenatal care; more male teachers; boy-friendly schools; a men's birth control pill; communication skills; female empowerment rather than victim power. --- I can do a better job at balancing the budget than those pinhead bureaucrats in Sacramento. I have a simple idea of how to eliminate the deficit without increasing anyone's taxes or cutting funding for any programs--and that is to expand California gaming to include slot machines for all private clubs. [From the statement of Larry Flynt, publisher of Hustler magazine] --- With my skills as a filmmaker and arts administrator, I will work to return common sense to California government. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- Single adults are the Rodney Dangerfields of our society. They "can't get no respect." I am the first candidate in California history to campaign on a *Fairness for Singles* platform. --- Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling and prostitution so that they may be taxed and regulated, the funds derived would subsidize the deficit, education, and the environment. I believe in peaceful solutions backed by a strong military; I don't care who you marry or have sex with. --- We should teach basic criminal penalties and yoga in our schools. --- You know the wonderful world that exists in television comedies--a world where, no matter what problems arise or conflicts exist, people work together to overcome any obstacle and, maybe, learn a little something? Wouldn't you like California to be like that? It can be if you elect Bill Prady to be the next governor of our great state. Bill Prady is an award-winning television comedy writer and producer who will bring the skills he's learned from creating sitcom episodes to Sacramento. If elected, he pledges to solve all the state's problems in twenty-two minutes and forty-four seconds with two commercial breaks and a hug at the end. After all this turmoil, isn't this just what California needs? --- *It's still the economy stupid!* [Huh?] --- Bankruptcy--use the courts to break up special interest groups & restore fiscal responsibility. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- There is no other candidate. I am the one. [I think he must've watched "The Matrix" a few times too often.] --- My 37 years of experience founding and managing a business that exports American-made buses to Mexico, has thoroughly educated me in the *economic realities* necessary to *restore California's fiscal health.* --- I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- As the leading middleweight of the 2003 California State Sumo Series and a serious, well-educated, nonpartisan candidate for governor, I will attack the 800-lb. gorilla of big government from every angle and fight determinedly to restore California to a state where all citizens and legal residents can be proud to live. --- I am a grocer who, with his family, specializes in selling cigarettes to adults who make their own decisions. Customers tell me they want no new taxes, no stupid new laws, and for someone to step up to get the work of government done... My sense of urgency comes from having customers to serve and bills to pay. --- As a marketing architect, I turned "Wheel of Fortune," "Jeopardy!" and "Oprah Winfrey" into household names. My vast marketing experience will help win new business to California. --- I will not prosecute any victimless crimes. [Note: for those who aren't aware of it, the governor doesn't prosecute any crimes.] --- May the Lord give you the wisdom of Solomon as you vote. I pray that the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God will guide me in all decisions, especially in selecting the best and brightest trusted servants to resolve the budget crisis and heal our land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 --- Earthquakes and special interests threaten California every day. -------------------------------------------- Dianne |
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"Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the
Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling and prostitution so that they may be taxed and regulated, the funds derived would subsidize the deficit, education, and the environment. I believe in peaceful solutions backed by a strong military; I don't care who you marry or have sex with." vote for that guy, whoever he/she is dianne marie schoenberg wrote: I rarely start threads and don't think I've ever started an off-topic one--but I know there's been some interest here in the California recall election and thought some of you might be amused by the following. The voter's pamphlet for the recall election came the other day and I found myself screaming with laughter as I read it. All that was required to get on this ballot was 65 signatures and $3500--and 150 people did. Some were obviously running as a joke, but with an awful lot of them I couldn't tell if they were serious or not. Here are some of the choicest quotes from the candidate statements. I'm going to *try* to refrain from comment, but I just couldn't help myself in a few cases. In most cases, I'm not going to give you the candidates' names since you wouldn't recognize them anyway. And I'm afraid you'll not find anything from the Terminator in here--he didn't submit a statement. Neither did Leo Gallagher (better known as the comedian "Gallagher"), Don Novello (aka Father Guido Sarducci), Gary Coleman (you remember, the cute little kid from "Diff'rent Strokes"), nor did Mary Carey, the adult film star. Bummer, hum? Don't worry, there were still lots of others to choose from. Also, I'd just like to say that I tried hard to make sure that the typos below are the candidates' and not my own. -------------------------------------------- God Bless You and God bless California! As John F. Kennedy said, ask not what the state can do, but what you can do for the state. My Childhood Hero!! --- "Atlas Shrugged," America's second most influential book, was written by an immigrant to California who predicted our current mess and offered an inspiring solution. --- I am running for Governor because I do not want an ultra-conservative person to be elected. --- [One candidate proposed resolving California's budgetary problems with]: ... equal father and mother involvement [for children]; universal prenatal care; more male teachers; boy-friendly schools; a men's birth control pill; communication skills; female empowerment rather than victim power. --- I can do a better job at balancing the budget than those pinhead bureaucrats in Sacramento. I have a simple idea of how to eliminate the deficit without increasing anyone's taxes or cutting funding for any programs--and that is to expand California gaming to include slot machines for all private clubs. [From the statement of Larry Flynt, publisher of Hustler magazine] --- With my skills as a filmmaker and arts administrator, I will work to return common sense to California government. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- Single adults are the Rodney Dangerfields of our society. They "can't get no respect." I am the first candidate in California history to campaign on a *Fairness for Singles* platform. --- Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling and prostitution so that they may be taxed and regulated, the funds derived would subsidize the deficit, education, and the environment. I believe in peaceful solutions backed by a strong military; I don't care who you marry or have sex with. --- We should teach basic criminal penalties and yoga in our schools. --- You know the wonderful world that exists in television comedies--a world where, no matter what problems arise or conflicts exist, people work together to overcome any obstacle and, maybe, learn a little something? Wouldn't you like California to be like that? It can be if you elect Bill Prady to be the next governor of our great state. Bill Prady is an award-winning television comedy writer and producer who will bring the skills he's learned from creating sitcom episodes to Sacramento. If elected, he pledges to solve all the state's problems in twenty-two minutes and forty-four seconds with two commercial breaks and a hug at the end. After all this turmoil, isn't this just what California needs? --- *It's still the economy stupid!* [Huh?] --- Bankruptcy--use the courts to break up special interest groups & restore fiscal responsibility. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- There is no other candidate. I am the one. [I think he must've watched "The Matrix" a few times too often.] --- My 37 years of experience founding and managing a business that exports American-made buses to Mexico, has thoroughly educated me in the *economic realities* necessary to *restore California's fiscal health.* --- I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] --- As the leading middleweight of the 2003 California State Sumo Series and a serious, well-educated, nonpartisan candidate for governor, I will attack the 800-lb. gorilla of big government from every angle and fight determinedly to restore California to a state where all citizens and legal residents can be proud to live. --- I am a grocer who, with his family, specializes in selling cigarettes to adults who make their own decisions. Customers tell me they want no new taxes, no stupid new laws, and for someone to step up to get the work of government done... My sense of urgency comes from having customers to serve and bills to pay. --- As a marketing architect, I turned "Wheel of Fortune," "Jeopardy!" and "Oprah Winfrey" into household names. My vast marketing experience will help win new business to California. --- I will not prosecute any victimless crimes. [Note: for those who aren't aware of it, the governor doesn't prosecute any crimes.] --- May the Lord give you the wisdom of Solomon as you vote. I pray that the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God will guide me in all decisions, especially in selecting the best and brightest trusted servants to resolve the budget crisis and heal our land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 --- Earthquakes and special interests threaten California every day. -------------------------------------------- Dianne |
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dianne marie schoenberg said in rec.pets.dogs.behavior:
I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] Was this statement from the 100 year old candidate? If so, she probably felt that it needed pointing out. BTW, has Ahnold taken a stance on *anything* yet? -- --Matt. Rocky's a Dog. |
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dianne marie schoenberg said in rec.pets.dogs.behavior:
I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] Was this statement from the 100 year old candidate? If so, she probably felt that it needed pointing out. BTW, has Ahnold taken a stance on *anything* yet? -- --Matt. Rocky's a Dog. |
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Rocky wrote:
dianne marie schoenberg said in rec.pets.dogs.behavior: I breathe. [That was the candidate's entire statement.] Was this statement from the 100 year old candidate? Nope. FWIW, you can check out that guy's web site at http://www.whowantstobeagovernor.com/ It's pretty funny. Be sure to click on "The Candidates." BTW, has Ahnold taken a stance on *anything* yet? Well, just one thing as far as I know: he stated that the citizens of California "don't want details". Now, that counts as a position on something, doesn't it? Dianne |
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