I live at home with my mother (yes, sad. I'm supposedly moving in 3
months). Anyway, we have a pug of about 2 years who loves us like
we're oxygen. My mom recently met a guy and they wed. He moved in and
brought his dog with him, a large, young adult, half-coyote /
half-shepherd female. The problem is this dog, Megan, despises me with
a passion you can't imagine, and we have no clue why. Originally we
thought she just hated me for some reason, but soon it was apparent
that it's fear more than anything. When my mom or step dad are around
she barks and growls at me like with a horrible fierceness. But soon
we learned that she's just "protecting" them form me. Whenever it's
just me and her home, she stays quiet as a mouse and just runs from
room to room to avoid me. After weeks of this, I thought a gentle
confrontation was in order. So I went into a room she was in, and
closed the door behind me. I sat on the bed with her, several feet
away and starting talking softly to her. She began soiling all over
herself and the bed and was trembling so badly the bed felt like an
earthquake. She isn't fond of most people, but she's completely
terrified of me and it doesn't seem to be getting any better as the
months go by. Apparently my stepdad rescued her as an abused puppy.
Whatever happened to her, it's almost like I remind her of whoever
hurt her. EVERY morning when I get up to get ready all 3 of us have to
put up with her barking and growling at me. Then again when I get
home. And worst of all, on the weekends when I get in late and they're
already in bed. I usually stay in my room. But if I pass through to
get a snack or a drink, it's more barking... every time. It just won't
end.

Does anyone have any suggestions? My mom/stepdad though having me give
her treats, and pet her while they are present would help. But she
barely will accept any treats from me, and only if they the others are
present. And 5 minutes later, it doesn't seem to have made any
difference anyway. She loves my mom for some reason. My mom's theory
to this was that my stepdad was always coming home with her scent when
they were dating, and so Megan got used to that. I'm not totally
discounting that, but is a scent really going to make the difference
between the dog trusting someone upon the first meeting, or having the
fear of God of them?

My stepdad says she'll come around in about year. I'm not going to be
there that long anyway. I just want to know what I can to do help the
dog calm down and get used to me while I am there. I would think after
so much exposure to me, and seeing that I've never harmed her, or the
ones she "protects," that she would start dismissing me a threat, but
day after day, month after month, I'm still the same evil intruder
every time I go to the bathroom, make a snack, or come home. And
that's not a fun feeling to have at home all the time. Any
suggestions? TIA

Obedience training.

You're probably right about the reasons for the dog's misbehavior
towards you, but even if you're wrong, the answer is the same. Take the
dog to an obedience class so you and the dog can learn together a new
way to relate. There are lots of classes and philosophies and trainers.
Do some reading at the library, and choose one you feel comfortable
with. That should be a method that involves an emphasis on positive
reinforcement. You should learn to teach the dog HEEL, SIT, DOWN, COME,
STAY and a few other commands.

Start with the classes and practicing at home when your mother and
stepfather aren't at home. Some of the practice will involve teaching
commands when you and the dog are outside. Then practice when they're
home but in another room. Move to practice when they're in the room
with you but ignoring everything that's going on.

This is a fair committment on your part since you'll be practicing with
the dog several times a day in short sessions. It will be worth it.

--Lia

(This post will invariably be followed by a viscious one from our
resident usenet lunatic. Please ignore it. The rest of us have him
killfiled. I wouldn't know he was there if not for new posters' answers.)

Obedience training.

You're probably right about the reasons for the dog's misbehavior
towards you, but even if you're wrong, the answer is the same. Take the
dog to an obedience class so you and the dog can learn together a new
way to relate. There are lots of classes and philosophies and trainers.
Do some reading at the library, and choose one you feel comfortable
with. That should be a method that involves an emphasis on positive
reinforcement. You should learn to teach the dog HEEL, SIT, DOWN, COME,
STAY and a few other commands.

Start with the classes and practicing at home when your mother and
stepfather aren't at home. Some of the practice will involve teaching
commands when you and the dog are outside. Then practice when they're
home but in another room. Move to practice when they're in the room
with you but ignoring everything that's going on.

This is a fair committment on your part since you'll be practicing with
the dog several times a day in short sessions. It will be worth it.

--Lia

(This post will invariably be followed by a viscious one from our
resident usenet lunatic. Please ignore it. The rest of us have him
killfiled. I wouldn't know he was there if not for new posters' answers.)

Obedience training.

You're probably right about the reasons for the dog's misbehavior
towards you, but even if you're wrong, the answer is the same. Take the
dog to an obedience class so you and the dog can learn together a new
way to relate. There are lots of classes and philosophies and trainers.
Do some reading at the library, and choose one you feel comfortable
with. That should be a method that involves an emphasis on positive
reinforcement. You should learn to teach the dog HEEL, SIT, DOWN, COME,
STAY and a few other commands.

Start with the classes and practicing at home when your mother and
stepfather aren't at home. Some of the practice will involve teaching
commands when you and the dog are outside. Then practice when they're
home but in another room. Move to practice when they're in the room
with you but ignoring everything that's going on.

This is a fair committment on your part since you'll be practicing with
the dog several times a day in short sessions. It will be worth it.

--Lia

(This post will invariably be followed by a viscious one from our
resident usenet lunatic. Please ignore it. The rest of us have him
killfiled. I wouldn't know he was there if not for new posters' answers.)

How sad for you .... and _her.
My mom/stepdad though having me give
her treats, and pet her while they are
present would help. But she barely will
accept any treats from me, and only if
they the others are present. And 5
minutes later, it doesn't seem to have
made any difference anyway....
I'd persist with this. Can you take over her feeding entirely? If
scent is important to her, yours will be on her bowl, and you can
progress to hand feeding.
Coupled with Lia's suggestion of your doing training with her, it puts
you 'in control of resources'. It's a rare dog that can resist that
for long.

How sad for you .... and _her.
My mom/stepdad though having me give
her treats, and pet her while they are
present would help. But she barely will
accept any treats from me, and only if
they the others are present. And 5
minutes later, it doesn't seem to have
made any difference anyway....
I'd persist with this. Can you take over her feeding entirely? If
scent is important to her, yours will be on her bowl, and you can
progress to hand feeding.
Coupled with Lia's suggestion of your doing training with her, it puts
you 'in control of resources'. It's a rare dog that can resist that
for long.

How sad for you .... and _her.
My mom/stepdad though having me give
her treats, and pet her while they are
present would help. But she barely will
accept any treats from me, and only if
they the others are present. And 5
minutes later, it doesn't seem to have
made any difference anyway....
I'd persist with this. Can you take over her feeding entirely? If
scent is important to her, yours will be on her bowl, and you can
progress to hand feeding.
Coupled with Lia's suggestion of your doing training with her, it puts
you 'in control of resources'. It's a rare dog that can resist that
for long.

I would personally not force any contact
with her. If she is afraid of you, then for
her, your presence predicts the onset of
fear or bad feelings. What you want to
do is change the association, so that
your presence predicts good things.
Good point, Melanie. The word I used, 'persist', was not a good one.
If not carefully done, it can make things worse.
Many dogs coming into the shelter have had unfortunate experiences
with men and are afraid of me, usually the only male around. Every time
I walk by their run, I flick a treat in without looking at them. (I'm
getting accurate at that. Is it a marketable skill?) It can take days
for them to remain calm.
We often fail to remember what a _big deal_ eye-contact is to a
fearful dog. We need to recall how uncomfortable we become if a
stranger stares at us on the street.
Melanie, re; our recent exchange on 'learning from a difficult dog'.
There has been unease about the resources we've poured into Gus:
http://www.sbacc.org/DOGS%20Current/gusfull.jpg
$10k in vet bills and our behaviorist has spent so many hours training
volunteers to work with him, guilt is forcing us to pay her. His
fear-aggression is so ingrained, it's doubtful he will ever be adoptable
except to one of the volunteers who's worked with him. (Fortunately,
that happens a lot.) Discouraging, but one of the 'Gus-crew' who works
with him said, "I've sure learned a lot from Gus."

I would personally not force any contact
with her. If she is afraid of you, then for
her, your presence predicts the onset of
fear or bad feelings. What you want to
do is change the association, so that
your presence predicts good things.
Good point, Melanie. The word I used, 'persist', was not a good one.
If not carefully done, it can make things worse.
Many dogs coming into the shelter have had unfortunate experiences
with men and are afraid of me, usually the only male around. Every time
I walk by their run, I flick a treat in without looking at them. (I'm
getting accurate at that. Is it a marketable skill?) It can take days
for them to remain calm.
We often fail to remember what a _big deal_ eye-contact is to a
fearful dog. We need to recall how uncomfortable we become if a
stranger stares at us on the street.
Melanie, re; our recent exchange on 'learning from a difficult dog'.
There has been unease about the resources we've poured into Gus:
http://www.sbacc.org/DOGS%20Current/gusfull.jpg
$10k in vet bills and our behaviorist has spent so many hours training
volunteers to work with him, guilt is forcing us to pay her. His
fear-aggression is so ingrained, it's doubtful he will ever be adoptable
except to one of the volunteers who's worked with him. (Fortunately,
that happens a lot.) Discouraging, but one of the 'Gus-crew' who works
with him said, "I've sure learned a lot from Gus."

I would personally not force any contact
with her. If she is afraid of you, then for
her, your presence predicts the onset of
fear or bad feelings. What you want to
do is change the association, so that
your presence predicts good things.
Good point, Melanie. The word I used, 'persist', was not a good one.
If not carefully done, it can make things worse.
Many dogs coming into the shelter have had unfortunate experiences
with men and are afraid of me, usually the only male around. Every time
I walk by their run, I flick a treat in without looking at them. (I'm
getting accurate at that. Is it a marketable skill?) It can take days
for them to remain calm.
We often fail to remember what a _big deal_ eye-contact is to a
fearful dog. We need to recall how uncomfortable we become if a
stranger stares at us on the street.
Melanie, re; our recent exchange on 'learning from a difficult dog'.
There has been unease about the resources we've poured into Gus:
http://www.sbacc.org/DOGS%20Current/gusfull.jpg
$10k in vet bills and our behaviorist has spent so many hours training
volunteers to work with him, guilt is forcing us to pay her. His
fear-aggression is so ingrained, it's doubtful he will ever be adoptable
except to one of the volunteers who's worked with him. (Fortunately,
that happens a lot.) Discouraging, but one of the 'Gus-crew' who works
with him said, "I've sure learned a lot from Gus."